Ahh, directly from the pirate's mouth. Well, directly from the script from the movie that made this day such a glorious, wonderful holiday to behold-
NATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!
I love pirates (if my picture above isn't working yet, it's a large pic of Jack Sparrow). So, I shall be fully participatin' in today's scurvy excitement. Okay, so that's lame. I have been talkin' in a less refined English accent all day, throwin' in the occasional "arr" cliche for the fun of it.
Let me take this moment to discuss the importance of piracy on the high seas. Pirates allowed for a lot of cultural diffusion (mixing of cultures) because of the time they spent at sea. They were also usually on the wealthy side, and often educated in not just the ways of the oceans, but also the finer aspects in life. That's why these nasty generalizations of dirty pirates pilfering innocent towns and settin' them aflame aren't always fair.
Not to say they're not fun, arr, but they're just wrong me mateys. I have been sayin' "mate" a lot. Jack Sparrow did. And I love Jack Sparrow! What was I talkin' about? Anyvay, the word "mate" reminds me of Australia, which reminds me of The Vines and Hugo Weaving and Mel Gibson. I love all of those things, arr! But that's Australia, and has nuthin' to do with pirating, then.
I'm movin' on, savvy (ooh, I was just waitin' for a time to type that one)? Last night marked the end of the worst weather I've ever really, well, weathered. Hurricane Isabel made sure she passed the worst of herself right over me home. Two trees in me yard snapped right in half and took down me fence. Limbs as large as trees 'emselves brought down even bigger limbs crashin' to the bloody ground. To tell you mates the truth, it was really quite a scary sight. Even for a pirate like me, Iron Anne Bonney (that's my pirate name, savvy? [I got to say it again! I'm gonna just start sayin' it all the time from now on, I like it so much]). The electricity was out nearly all day, just came back early this mornin'. But then the cable was out, which meant no tv and no internet, and lemme tell ya, mates, it was no fun to be sure.
Didn't matter, I was out workin' me up a sweat in me yard. I had to rake up the yard of it's entirety and then swab the decks (well, sweep them I should say, but "swab" was more piratey, aye? [I'm gonna start sayin' that too]).
I've got a riddle! Who cleans a pirate's ears?
Hahaha! I stole that from Zelda: the Wind Waker. But stealin' is what I do: I'm a pirate (could you not already tell?). It's a shame this holiday only comes once a year. I should prank-call some people and just say "arr" before hanging up. I used to do that and whisper "seven days", ya know, The Ring, savvy? It's a grand thing I'm gonna be garbed as a pirate on Halloween, because I'm enjoyin' meself a wee bit too much, aye? I'm gonna carry some rum and a pistol and a sword and a non-working compass that directs me to the Black Pearl. What a ship should have, what a ship should be...freedom.
Heehee, I love that movie. I mean, arr, it was grand to be sure, mate.
Oh! Tonight! Encore! The Good Son! 8:00 pm, be there or be some odd, geometric shape, mates! You know 's well as I that it stars me favourite star: Elijah Wood! Hoora...wait...
What would a pirate yell in exuberence and joy?
Good 'nuff. Yes, and I'm all over it like, well, any Elijah Wood movie. Speakin' of, mates, I watched The Faculty today out of sheer boredom. Bore, board, Board the deck you scabberous, mangy cads! ARR! Wow, and I spiral into terrible cliches. Sorry 'bout that, mates. Truth be told, I'm just happy the storm is over. We got three tornadoes and leaves still be plastered to me windows. It's a sad sight, mates, sad indeed.
For some reason it didn't seem real to me, mates. The wind howlin' louder than I do on too much caffiene (I mean, rum, which is any hour of the day, arr), the trees snappin' and crashin' in that blasted, bloody wind, it was terrible, and yet, I didn't feel like I was there amidst it all! I saw the devastation, I heard the noise and such, just seemed like a movie to me. Well, that's interesting, mates.
Movin' on, savvy? Savvy? Savvy, savvy, savvy...
Parley is supa-fly too, to the schiznit my g's, but there's not way I've been able to use the word "parley" yet in this entry.
I demand a parley with a shrink.
That was completely in context, aye? Seemed to fit in perfectly wif this entry as a whole, mates. It's a shame that I'm runnin' out of things to parle about...that was French by the way. I should qoute Pirates of the Carribean more often, mates. I have a copy of the script 'smatter of fact, savvy? So how bouts I use a bit more of the quotes from that superb bitta movie viewin' in entry descriptions, me hearties? Not today tho, aye? Bit too superfluous after all this nonsense, really. Not that there's such a thing as over-doin' a holiday, but there is such a thing as runnin' out of good Jack Sparrow quotes.
Good thing there's a sequel, savvy?
I love talkin' like this. It's cray-zee to the nizzle. I need to stop with the "snoop-doggisms". I hate rap. And I hate it when people talk like that in sincerity, without jest. It makes them look uneducated, mates; just stupid, really. I try to talk as normal as possible, arr.
I don't even say "dude" often. I'm tryin' to break that nasty little habit, savvy? Habit, hobbit...
Quick, riddle! Connect the Smashing Pumpkins to Enya in three easy steps!
Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock...
Just a few more moments for you to be guessin' in, mates...
Tick, tock, tick, tock...
Time's up, savvy? The answer: The Smashing Pumpkins is the favourite band of a certain young fella that played Frodo Baggins, Frodo Baggins was obviously a hobbit in the epic movie trilogy "Lord of the Rings", and Enya helped direct much of the music on the soundtrack for said movie, savvy?
What fun that was, mates. I should do it more often for your merriment and enjoyment. Or laughter at my oddities.
Doesn't matter to me, mates, I know I'm weird. But I have nice hair. At least today, aye?
I'm even sportin' a pirate shirt today. It's weird, me mum (I always call her mum, that's not a pirate thing, neither is the odd "u" in "colour", just ta let ya know, mates) thanked me today for droppin' me scurvy, accursed punk look. She told me that I'm pretty, and the thick black eyeliner covered it up. Funny, I don't feel too pretty. But I do agree, I see now that it was a little over-the-top. Ovell, I suppose everyone goes thru that stage. At least I'm not a poser like most people that won't let it go (once again, may I reiterate, you know who you are, arr...savvy?).
Sorry 'bout that, mates, I'm bitter. Some people can just be flat out jealous and mean. Oh! To those of you who think I mean you, it's probably not you. To those who are still in doubt, it's probably you I speak of, savvy? Not to confuse any of you, mates. Sorry if I did.
Being a pirate means never having to say you're sorry! Haha, that was funny, aye? Yeah, I think I've milked this thing for all it's worth.
Besides, I think I hear Spongebob from the other room...I love that show...And I've got but a half an hour left 'till "The Good Son", and I refuse to miss it...again...savvy?
Toodles all! Wait, that wasn't piratey.
YOU'LL REMEMBER THIS AS THE DAY THAT YOU ALMOST CAUGHT CAPTAIN IRON ANNE BONNEY!
Dude, I love this holiday. No more with the "dude"!