Ahh, well, today was good. Today I cleaned. I wish there were more days like today. I learned to make iced coffee of my own (chunky monkey by Ben and Jerry flavoured, yum yum)! I made a mess with the blender, but it always feels good to craft something with your own hands for your own enjoyment.
Sorta like I learned to play that Rohan song from Two Towers by ear on my cello. I love my cello, there's nothing better in the world than that warm feeling I get picking it up and wearing my fingers to the bone on music I love... like acting or painting... hmm, I need a life.
Speaking of Two Towers, I was just watching it.
I once read an article in the newspaper that said Lord of the Rings was a twelve-hour trilogy about returning bad jewelery. I don't know about you, but this was the vision that came to my mind upon reading that:
Frodo mustered every bit of strength and courage, every breath in his body as he made that one last reach for the top of the mountain, Sam behind him, Gollum in rear. He pulled himself to the top and gasped, desperate for sustaining breath, desperate for life, already tasting the air of home. He hoped with every fiber of his being that he made it through, made it back to the Shire, to his friends. He looked up, summoned his strength, and realised that he laid before Bloomingdale's, Bloomingdale's Department Store. Location: Mount Doom 666 Morgul Road in Mordor. He squealed with joy as he saw that all men's lingerie was 50% off. Sam crawled up behind him and jumped to his feet with joy. They skipped through the entrance door and rode up the escalator. "Sam, what do you think of this?" he said, as he held up a satin thong.
"Oh, Mr. Frodo, I'd get it in red. That's more your colour."
"Alright, but I think I'll get it in lavender as well. I think I'm more a spring than winter, but you never did agree." Gollum tugged on Frodo's sleeve imploringly. "Yes, Smeagol?"
"Master, we should get rid of the ring first, shops last. Hobbits shops last."
Frodo smiled. "Okay, Smeagol." He and Sam trapsed happily through the aisles until they saw the jewelery department.
"Oh, Mr. Frodo! The new Chanel Parfum pour les Hommes," cried Sam. "Come and smell!" Frodo walked over and sniffed Sam's wrist.
"Light, not too weighty," he commented with a nod. "Pick up a bottle and we'll bring it to the counter." They found the line to the only cashier, and stood behind some guy looking for a wedding band. Frodo occupied his time with the posters of the hot jeans he was beginning to covet, planning on picking up a pair in black and khaki. The man finally moved out of the line, and Frodo walked up and stood on the tops of his toes, and still had to reach up to put the ring on the counter. "I'd like to return this," he said happily, craning his neck to see Sauron in a blue apron behind the counter.
"Would you like something to replace it, or a refund?" asked Sauron politly, after all, the customer is always right.
"Err, I like that chain... does it come in platinum?" he replied.
"Yes it does," said Sauron, pulling out the chain from under the counter. "Would you like me to ring this up?" he asked Frodo.
"Oh, yes please," said Frodo, placing his items on the counter and accepting the bags. He turned on his heel and left with Sam. "I'm so glad metrosexuality is in style," he said, as they reached the glass doors for home. "Smeagol! Put down those boxers and get out here!"
"Mr. Frodo, do you recognise them folks? Them five folks over there?" asked Sam, pointing to a group of about five men shielding some other man from his seeing.
"Well, oh, is that Aragorn?" asked Frodo as one of the five men, a loud blond one apparantly named Carson, moved out of the way to reveal Aragorn, examining a pink bowling shirt.
"I am the king of Gondor, I'm not wearing pink," Frodo could hear him say.
"Well, I'm the Queen of New York," said Carson. "And you don't see me crying. Put it on or you won't look good for your inauguration!"
Legolas walked out of a dressing room nearby, garbed in a faded pair of jeans and a fitted Hard-Core Dior shirt. "Thom, Jai, how does this look?" he asked.
"Fabulous," the five gay men replied at once. Gandalf and Gimli walked up to the scene, hand in hand.
"I just can't find anything good for our visiting families, no holiday decorations," said Gandalf with a slight lisp on every "s". Gimli nodded his head. Frodo walked up to them, and they all greeted him with hugs.
Eowyn walked up, two white gowns in hand. "Has anyone seen Elrond?" she asked.
"Over here!" they heard from behind a clothes rack, and Elrond emerged with his pointy eyebrows newly waxed. "How can I be of help to you?"
"Well, you wear a lot of gowns," she said. "I was wondering if you could help me pick my wedding dress for my marriage to Faramir?"
"Go with the cream one, and the lace and pearl details," he replied, and she skipped off to Sauron's counter. Elrond looked to Frodo. "Mr. Baggins...welcome back," he said, arching an already arched eyebrow.
"Glad to be back, Elrond. How's your daughter?"
"She's fine, had a whole 'I'm going to waste away into nothingness" phase, to which I replied, 'You don't stand a chance of wasting away into nothingness, you eat too much'," he replied with a laugh.
"Daddy," she said with a whine, appearing from behind the clothes rack. "I'm right here." They all stood there for a moment and laughed.
"And hon," said Carson to Frodo, "Did you know you really look like a spring? You might want to try on this nice lavender piece..."
Wow. I should do that more often, it was fun. I think that instead of destroying the Shire, Saruman provided it's inhabitants with Sacs Fifth Avenue.
Well, that's enough for me. Toodles!
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