:: Youth & Eternity ::
Bow, rondelé, rondelé, push the clouds, push the clouds, jazz hands!
[2003-11-19 @ 4:15 p.m.]

Wow, today feels despairing and forlorn. Sorta like all I strive to acheive will be lost and forgotten, and I'm nothing I want to be at present.

It's that feeling you get when you are trying to find what you're best at. When you're a kid they tell you that everyone is best at something. Not true. There will always be someone out there better than me at everything I try. I know this doesn't cancel out my voice, I know it doesn't mean I can't be something important, but for some reason it pulls me into despair. I know what I'm good at, that makes me happy and confident, but for some reason the knowledge of the fact that there are those better at what makes me confident dashes all confidence from me. Does that make any sense?

I know I have oodles and oodles of mountains on mountains of homework to do, but I really feel like I gotta get this off my chest. I'm certainly not going to do that buried to my nose in math homework.

Speaking of homework, I want highschool to end. I know I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm eager to get started on a name for myself (and hopefully not Amanda- everyone has that name and unlike my name, I'm not everyone... though I feel surpressed by extraoridinary individuals). I'm also eager to get out of an enviroment so bent on benefitting itself that it feels the need to find and exemplify my faults. I know the supposed "real world" will be tenfold worse in this actuality, but in my obscure 16-year-old mind I push the truth back in hopes for a better future.

I noticed that there are some who try to find themselves through searching for another's love. This is not me. I find that there are some that try to find themselves through another's hatred, by being outcast they feel worth-while. This is not me. As of now I know not where I stand, and I take this rainy day to ponder this mentality that had gone so long un-pondered (but I'll only be pondering it for another good 10 minutes, because I have English homework too).

Please, someone, anyone, tell me that I will make it someplace. Maybe that's what I need right now, for some divine hand to show me that I have a strength, and it needs acted on.

On a lighter note, Johnny Depp (see above picture)(whew, do you like that picture? I sure do) has just won Sexiest Man Alive for People Magazine. I thought it was cool that they considered Kyan Douglas of the Fab Five. It's too bad he's gay. :( But good for Johnny Depp! He's been around so long (40 years to be precise- haha), and he's so talented, it's surprising he hasn't been noticed on this scale until Pirates of the Carribean. Everyone, until now, had heard his name once or twice, but few people could list an entire filmography or foam at the mouth as is the case as of late.

And also in other news, Return of the King is almost out, my brother already beat the game (for gamecube), Frodo's finger does get ripped off, I doubt that I'll be able to finish the book in time, and everyone's favourite hobbit (and my favourite actor) might, just might, be hosting SNL. Just a little somethin-somethin' I've been hearing. Little rumor about December 13th that's been goin' around, as it were.

Anything else, Amanda (not to address myself in the third person or anything)? This title came from VH1's "I Love The 80's Strikes Back". That show has become my version of the History Channel. Pop culture cheers me up. It's so strange that people could recognise the name Colin Farrel over the name Colin Powell. Just a little thought to share.

I'd best be off. "Yea, touchdown! Jazz hands!" (and the way I spell "yay" is the Shakespeare CORRECT way to spell it, "yea"...that's right, it's really "yea", not "yay"). Toodles!

Oh, and happy late, late, late, late Guy Fawkes Day. The plotted destruction of Parliament had to be fun. And speaking of fun, check the last entry for a nice little Return of the King joke I made in the spirit of joy. The very spirit lost on me at the moment. Sigh.

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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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