:: Youth & Eternity ::
Oh NO! The talking cookies are back! AHH!!!
[2003-11-20 @ 8:19 p.m.]

Today I'm in a little bit of a better mood. Hooray! Hooray for caffiene!

Let's see, what's going on in my life...oh, yeah. Nothing. Well, ring dance (the big junior prom like thing where we get our class rings...I don't know if everyone else has the same thing, so I thought I'd define it for you) approaches. My group of friends finally picked the restaurant, what they picked was floggin' genius, so I won't tell where (I don't want it to be overly packed). But my dress plans are underway. I actually get to wear a pretty dress and have pretty hair and I get to be, well, pretty just for once. I always feel kinda plain and ugly, but there's something about putting on a dress and high heels that will always make me feel good.

Well, as much as I'd like to, I can't dwell on such topics so excessively, it can tend to bore you, the reader, into the act of clicking out of my page. You don't want to do that, I am a highly interesting person!

Haha, I make myself laugh.

Well, the new episode of Will & Grace comes on tonight (I got this title from said sitcom), and everyone knows how much I love that show. I was gonna go play a video game, but my mum is watching the Michael Jackson case.

Oh, here we go again. My brother was playing his viola and he hit a D instead of E Flat, so I told him so. And he got mad and he's slamming stuff around to upset me and/or hurt my feelings. He does the same to me when I play videogames! "No! You can't shoot arrows through a wall!" "Well, you told me to stand there. And EXCUSE me that the wall is see-through! I coulda sworn it was just empty space!"

That was exactly what happened yesterday when I was still stuck on one level of Return of the King. I can't get past it! Anyways, I'll avoid the mundane details to avoid looking too much a loser, but you catch my drift.

Usually these entries are written a bit more eloquently. I usually utilise some fancy vocabulary not to impress, but because it's the way I talk. Maybe caffiene is supressing my abilities. Maybe it's because I haven't really slept in the past week. Or maybe it's just because I feel a little disoriented from my frozen coffee. Not iced, but frozen. Like ice. So I ate literally licked it from the cup like a popsicle. That is how desperate I was for energy (probably why I haven't really slept for the past week...minus math and orchestra class, can you believe I sleep with my eyes open?). Okay, so I wasn't really desperate, it just tasted really good.

I'm lying to beguile my mind into believing falcities. Isn't it grand deceiving yourself and slowly loosing mental health? Weeee!

It's amazing how much you can learn about people from their diaries (wow, how amazingly observant I am). A few words of advice to those reading (and I'm not naming names here, you know who you are and take this help as you see fit): you may think that there is no one to talk to, but there always is. Talk to the source of your problems (in this case, and in usually every case, it's a he), and the issues may be solved. Not necessarily, but at least he will know how you feel and you can move on from there.

Did that make sense? It should. I think that advice can go out to anyone, but, as previously stated, take the help as you see fit. Wow, I love this scarf. By the way (I love the Red Hot Chili Peppers), I'm wearing my mum's scarf from Express or something or other. And I have Outkast stuck in my head and I HATE it. MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT GO AWAY!

Okay, outside of such superficial things, I have another thing to rant about. Last night I was talking to my dad via telephone and I was telling him for the millionth time that I wanted to take up screenwriting, directing, and acting in college and become an actress. He was like, "Yeah, you could also get involved with domestics." To which I truthfully replied that I didn't know what that was and that I think I'm good at what I want to do. Then he said that domestics is a steady job and I wouldn't get rich off it, but I'd never be out of work. Then he told me that there are a lot of people trying to break into that field and the chances of me making it are small, and I wouldn't get rich if I don't have talent. And I replied that Julia Roberts makes $12 mill a year and she's not talented, and he agreed and laughed. I'm glad my interests are a joke. Haha, let's laugh at Amanda because she's got a mind that she thinks will lead her someplace successful. And you people wonder why I worry so much about my future? Then he said that my brother's supposed life calling of a lawyer was a good idea, he'd be good at it.


That makes me want to cry. Which makes me want to drink coffee and watch Will & Grace. I still have ten minutes and I don't want to watch my brother effortlessly win videogames and lecture me on the finer points in them. I'm gonna go anyway.

Why doesn't anyone believe in me? I can't believe in myself if my closest loved ones don't.

Ah, pooh. I'm depressed again.

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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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