:: Youth & Eternity ::
I'm gonna just pick myself up, brush myself off, and throw myself in the dirt again!
[2004-02-10 @ 4:11 p.m.]

Howdy doody!

Hmm. Life is boring. But today, thus far, is okay. Just...okay. I'm nearly finished with my vessel for Ceramics. It's a big rose. No lie! It's a vessel (a pot) shaped like a giant rose. I doubt that I'll finish it before its due date (tomorrow), but all I have left are a few more petals and a leaf and a lid. Otherwise, it's all good.

And Phsyics is phun (hardy har har), we're studying vectors. For some reason vectors annoy and fascinate me. I think it's really perplexing to consider that they are just line segments forever utilised in everyday thought and motion but without a thought or a notion to their name. They travel in every which direction through space and time, through inpassable objects and thin air, and I never even stop to trace the vector of the airplane leaving Norfolk for New York. Probably because I hate math. And that's why it annoys me. It's a situational irony that will never cease to amaze me. And it is for this reason that my teacher is making us celebrate Vectortines Day!

Yes! An almost double entendre, a play on the name of Valentines Day! I find it a fitting title since I already hate/love Valentines Day anyway. Why not make it a graded and scientific holiday? I have a project due on Monday for said holiday. Hooray! (that, by the way, was sarcasm.) I have to make a teeshirt, 5 cards, a snack, and a presentation. Luckily I have the weekend to crack down on those Vexing Vectors (I just made that one up, you likey?), or else I wouldn't be here typing to you.

And today it begins: that dreaded time of mid-school year where we begin scheduling for our next year's courses! Hooray! (that, again, was sarcasm.) I'm taking in my senior year of highschool: AP English 12 (an all year college course featuring lengthy summer assignments, but I love English), AP Government (a semester of college level Government studies), French 5 and AP French (when these two classes are combined, they make a full year of French college level fun!), Orchestra (An actually fun class), and Honours level Chemestry (it's actually a step-down from Physics, but I haven't taken it yet due to terrible scheduling mishaps so I have no choice). That allows me one more space for a class. I have, save one class, all hard classes next year. I hate math. I don't want to take Calculus next year. I just don't. I want to take a fun class featuring something I want to do, namely: Acting Techniques (film being the major I want in college). I only need college level Algebra for my major, and I've got more math than needed for graduation from highschool. But I feel like the world's biggest let-down by not taking Calculus in favour of acting. My dad's not gonna like it (that's if he finds out, by the way), my Mum might support me, and I don't even know if I support myself. I've got a lot of soul searching to do in the next week or two. I mean, I really have to think now about what I want to really do.

No, I know what I want to do. I don't know that everyone else is going to accept it. So the true soul-searching lies in the question of whether or not I can take criticism from my parents and peers and authority-figures. Do I suffer a life of regret because I didn't want my dad to think I was a failure? Will I base the purpose of my existence solely on the opinions of others? Or will I take a stand for my love of the fine arts, and without the support from loved ones, attempt to make my own name in the art world? I know it isn't a stable job, I know that science and math offers a safer route. But I also recognise that that's the exact reason that I deteste those subjects. I hate math and I hate science because they're exact, they're perfect, they answer "how" and not "why". I want to know "why". I want to explore things other than numbers, and I think that if I have to have an engineering job I'll go postal. More postal than I am right now.

I have a feeling that there are a lot of tears to be shed tonight.

So, in other news, how 'bout those Olympics coming up? I don't follow the Summer Olympics, sorry, but I do like the Winter Olymics. Do you remember Apollo Antone Ohno? Was that how you spell it? The speedskater loved by all Americans? The one with the soulpatch? Geez, he was cool. I'd like to try to skate with those things on. I'm used to regular figure skates (after seven years of lessons, who wouldn't be?), and one time I tried hockey skates and fell flat on my face. I guess it's the same concept applied to the fact that I can't rollerskate, but I can rollerblade very well. But speedskates are, like, two feet long! That's just impossible! It's crazy! Apollo, you're crazy!

Actually, iceskating was a mode of recovery for me. When I was younger I was half-deaf because of constant ear-infections. I had quite a few surgeries on my ears, and I can hear almost perfectly and haven't had an infection since (thanks to a whole lotta prayer). But for quite a long time I had trouble walking. See, in your ear (I don't know if you know this or not, but it's common knowledge so I apologize for my tone beforehand) is an equilibrium, something that keeps your entire body balanced. Mine didn't work. At all. I'd be walking in a straight line and I'd just fall flat on my face. You can imagine this was an embarassing situation! So my Gammie and Mum bought me my first pair of skates for my 7th birthday, and lessons to go along with it. And I recovered and I can walk up and down the stairs and through crowded hallways perfectly fine, now. I haven't skated in two years, though, ever since my brother developed diabetes, and I lose my balance every now and again because of that.

I should take up something new like that. Maybe this summer Mum'll let me take new lessons of some sort. I know! I want to swing dance! Yeah. That's what I'll ask. That era was a great one, eh?

Hmm, let's see: complain? Check. Heartfelt tearjerking story? Check. Obsessive rambling? Nope! Okay: Peter Jackson (the brilliant mastermind that he is) has (of course) won (yet another) Best Directing Award! YESSSS! He's a genius! I wanna grow up to have that talent!

And we're back to square one. Well, paragraph 5 or so, anyway. I can try to be happy, but that omnipotent "man" that's society slaps me back down! And today's title, fyi, is from Seinfeld. It was George Castanza. Yup. He was talking about what a failure he wanted to be! And, surprise of the century, the title of my entry actually pertains to the entry itself! It's not the usual "Hey there, Mister Sister!" quote from Will & Grace that I just couldn't NOT include. Loving Will & Grace as I do! I love that show. It's so sad that there's only one year after this season. *tear* I knew those characters as well as the back of my own hand, or any character from a Harry Potter or Tolkien book. So, so, so sad...

American Idol is on tonight! You know, It's weird thinking that Clay didn't win last time, and he's way more popular than Ruben. And I really wanted Clay to win because he has a really good voice, but now that I hear his new song, "Invisible", and how creepy and I-hang-outside-your-window-at-night stalker-ish it is, he just kinda scares me. *shudders* And to think, there was a time when his "Jack Knife" or "Bridge Over Troubled Water" would paint a smile across my face. Now I just keep hearing, "If I was invisible, I would just watch you in your room..." Yeah, I bet you would, freak!

I cut my hand on a knife-ish thing in Ceramics yesterday, and the gash area is still swollen and still hurts. I hope, considering that it was metal and covered in wet clay and therefore possibly rusty, that I don't have to get a tetnis shot. Again. The last time I did was when I fell off the bus last year. Yes, I fell off the bus. I tore my knee open down to the knee-cap and ran home not realising that blood was pooling on the top of my shoe. I left bloody shoe-prints on the pavement behind me, and didn't know that I was bleeding. And then I came home and I was crying, and my mum gave me an orange juice and my dad patched it up with some gauze, and they took me to the doctor the next day to be checked for hypoglycemia (the opposite of diabetes- it means I'd have to have sugar every few hours or I'd black out again like I did when I got off the bus). Turns out that I'm fine (for now), but my blood sugar runs lower than what is normal for a person my age, so I have to make sure I don't skip meals. Then the doctor tried to pull off the gauze, but it was stuck to my leg and he ripped it and I screamed and he said I should have had stitches but it was too late now and then he gave me a big, fat, ugly tetnis shot. And now I have no more problems with needles. And I still have a big, fat, ugly scar on my left knee, which reminds me of the scar on that Nat Cooper's knee in Forever Young with Mel Gibson and that one kid whose name I can never remember for the life of me.

Hahaha (that was sarcasm).

Omigarsh, I have to, abs-and-pecks-alutely have to, see Zoolander. Has anyone here seen it? I saw just a little of the walk-off, but any movie about Ben Stiller as a male model has to be pants-wetting hilarious. He's brilliant! I love his acting style, I never feel like I'm watching Ben Stiller. But I am, and that's what's cool. SO, that makes my must-rent list: Zoolander, Ed Wood (Johnny Depp as a cross-dressing director... hooray!), Edward Scissorhands, and The Gift (I heard it wasn't too good, but I wanna see it anyway to figure out why). I'd like to see that Elizabeth the First movie with Cate Blanchett because she's the schiz, but I doubt my local video store will have it. I can ask, though. Plus, Elizabeth the First was the schiz, too! So that's a bonus!

Well, well, I think I've come to the close of this entry. How overt can you get? Toodles, poodles! No, that doesn't sound good. Oodles of toodles? Nah. I think I'll just stick to Toodles.


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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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