:: Youth & Eternity ::
For those who think young.
[2004-03-30 @ 5:58 p.m.]

I wanted to update, but I don't have the time. So, here's my latest English paper. Have fun!

For Those Who Think Young

I went grocery shopping yesterday, and I bought any microwavable substance with clear instructions and a memorable commercial that I could find because, after all, if I have never seen a commercial for Raman Soup, then how good can it be? It seems that these days, the best products are those that are best advertised, because that entertainment draws the buyers in. Who will be noticed most: the Oxy Man, screeching about how Oxy-Boost “lifts the toughest stains out of carpets and clothing”, or the quiet family sitting down to a silent dinner of spaghetti drowning in steaming Prego sauce? Sure, we all hate the Oxy Man, to say the least, but we remember him when someone spills red wine on our new white carpet more than we recall the respectable Smith family and their tomato sauce when we are at a loss as to what to cook for dinner. But, obviously, Oxy-Boost does not work, as evidenced by the latest Tide commercials. So it can be argued that the best products are not the most beneficial to consumers, but the most memorable.

Pepsi or Coke? Well, I prefer Pepsi, because I have not seen Britney Spears advocate Coca-Cola recently, nor have I seen any celebrity with a new movie or platinum record support Coke at all in the past few years save Maya and Simon Cowell, so how can Coca-Cola be any good? Pepsi is for those who think young, and I like to think young, so I would never be caught indulging in Coca-Cola. Pepsi has, over the past few decades, gathered a following to slaughter any monopoly in the soft-drink business (Coca-Cola) to construct a take-over on the markets all its own, but not through taste, through commercialism. Where once there was Coke, now shines a greater taste, and Pepsi-Cola is a relentless adversary. There is no question about whether or not Pepsi is a great consumer product, because, there it is, a twenty-four pack of Diet Pepsi on my floor, ready to gnaw away at my bones and internal organs until I grow prematurely feeble and die.

Right beside that box lie a few pounds of Goldfish. Yes, Goldfish, the baked and upright fishies, the snack that smiles back, Goldfish. A childhood commodity, Goldfish has followed members of my generation through their highschool years until today’s college days. Their crunch and real cheese flavor sticks with me more than Prego ever will, but those attributes are not nearly as impressive as the jingle. Whenever someone is introduced to a big, fat box of Goldfish, a smile transpires on their lips as they begin to hum, they hum that song that the two men play on the Goldfish guitars, and that humming slowly turns into muffled words shouted through mouthfuls of cheesy crackers that are baked, not fried. One cannot survive on Goldfish alone, and Goldfish are not nearly as healthy as a plate of fruit and vegetables (or a bottle of V8, for that matter), but they are most certainly better for growing boys and girls than Lays or Pringles will ever be. And they will smile at you, festively adorned in colors and flavors to tickle your palette, until you bite their heads off.

Not only food has memorable commercials, and I can tell you this because I had to buy shampoo, too. What do I recollect when I sift through the beauty aisle, what label evokes the urge for me to buy? Herbal Essences is the first shampoo that comes to mind as the repeated and suggestive shouts of joy emitting from a shower echo in my head. Then I remember when I first started using this brand, my forehead broke out in disgusting, disturbing, and very painful and itchy rashes, and I know that I am not alone in my allergy. Then why am I still so tempted to buy it? Because the lady in the commercial was “exhilarated” and “rejuvenated,” so why should I not be? Regardless of whether or not my face has unbearable and excruciating blisters, I want to have the experience of a jungle pool, immersed in palms and fruit and exotic animals, right in my own shower, an event not offered by Pantene or Dove.

So next time I go shopping, maybe I will think about buying Raman to put my Goldfish in, or water instead of health-obliterating Pepsi. But, then again, maybe Goldfish will have a new and better commercial, and Madonna will join Pepsi’s cause. The best products on today’s market are not good for us, they are not priced well, and they serve no purpose but to employ third-world children and provide us with a minute and a half of entertainment on television. Whatever the case be, companies in their incessant fight for buyers will do anything, and the buyers will always succumb to the powers of Britney Spears and the Goldfish guitars.


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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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