:: Youth & Eternity ::
Hey, apron. Who told you you could make eye contact? Bye. Bye now.
[2004-04-14 @ 6:39 p.m.]

AHHH! My hair has become its own identity. It's like Hermione Granger on a bad day. Luckily, after two and a half years of growing it out, I'm finally getting it cut on Friday. My hairdresser's gonna love this one. It used to be chin-length. Now it's down my back, near mid-way. I'm keeping it long, don't fret! But I want the frayed ends to go away. Far, far away.

In other news, real news, my shopping trip on Monday was sheer mayhem. You see, Mum and I wanted to try a store called Kohl's because we keep hearing people singing its praises all over the place. Biggest shopping mistake known to man. The clothes were actually scattered on the floor. There were no price tags on anything, and the shoes there were the ugliest shoes ever. I wouldn't recommend some of those shoes to, umm, someone I don't like (okay, I had a good metaphor and just forgot it). I wanted to jump out a window, except everything was on the first story. I've never, ever been so disappointed whilst shopping. So, of course, I bought a pink top and a leather purse with a Pinnochio-poster-ish-picture on it. And my brother bought two shirts (Spongebob and one with flames that I really don't like very much, but I didn't say anything) and Mum got a new purse that I picked out for her, and we got some jellybeans, Jelly Belly, of course!

Yesterday, today, and Monday afternoon, I felt (and still do feel) absolutley sick. I'm glad I'm home for Spring Break, because I doubt that I'd be much fun down in Florida with my friends. But I'm going next year, one way or the other, because it's my last year with 'em all. This summer I'm getting a job and saving so Mum and Dad don't have to pay. I hate asking them for money, I really do. I always feel guilty about it. Dad goes everywhere, he eats out all the time, he goes on trips to France and California without us, and he buys dvds and cds that we'll never have. Mum and Ben and I pretty much live off microwavable food and television.

I guess this is a good place to explain to everyone my family proceedings, I don't believe I have before. It goes like this: my parents used to fight. All the time. It drove me insane. I never believed it to be my fault or anything, but I wanted my parents to divorce, and I wanted my dad to move out. I know my dad loves me, and I love him too, but I don't think he was ready to be a dad when he had us, and I still don't really think that he is. His temper is always really bad, and he'd throw things at us, and threaten to hit us (he still does), and he used to (and still does) scare me. I like to be around him most when I haven't seen him for a long time, because that's when he's the nicest. And after a long time of the fighting (to be honest, Dad was caught cheating), my brother contracted juvenile diabetes. It's a heriditory disease that's triggored by stress, in this case, the stress from constant arguement. After that, my dad sorta felt guilty, I guess, and treated my brother better than me or my mother (certainly a lot better than my mother). Awhile ago, a few years ago, my dad quit his job at the bank he worked for in favour of a higher paying job at Columbia University, making a 100,000 per year (it's risen 20-50 thousand, I think), also 10 hours away from where I live. The deal was, my brother, Mum, and I were supposed to stay in Virginia to sell the house while he moved to New York to start the job. We never moved up there. So, my parents aren't divorced, they're not exactly separated, but I think whatever's going to happen will happen when I turn 18 and go to New York for college. Now you know.

I was thinking a few days ago (a rare occurence... ha, just kidding) that maybe that backround is what fuels me against domestic lifestyles. Most of my friends want to become teachers or something, and get married. I think that is the most ridiculous thing to aspire to that I've ever heard. I can't help it, I just, I can't even imagine myself as a teacher or a housewife or a soccer mom. I want to do soooo many things, why, I even dreampt last night that I finally got to go skydiving! Then, after I landed, I ran to the nearest bridge, and went bungee-jumping!

Okay, in other news, new heartthrob actor to love! Name: Hugh Dancy. This kid's awesome! I saw him this passing Sunday and the Sunday before in Daniel Deronda (by George Eliot) on Masterpiece Theatre. He was the whole reason I sat through it all (well, plus the story was really interesting... but he was an extra bonus), now he's in Ella Enchanted. Okay, I don't care if it's a children's movie, it looks, cinematographically speaking, stunning, and, once again, this guy's just an extra bonus. I don't know if he's all that new, and, quite frankly, I don't care. He's here, and he rocks, and unlike some hot actors (coughcoughorlandocoughcoughbloomcoughcough), he kicks butt in his craft (acting, silly!). And I think that the fact that female novel authors from the Victorian period (when novels were new and, well, novel) had to use a male nom-de-plume is just atrocious. And I was talking about George Eliot, not Hugh Dancy. Hugh Dancy, Hugh Jackman, Hugo Weaving... what's with that? I think the only Hugh I don't like is Hugh Grant (yes, I don't like Hugh Grant, get over it).

And now I want to read Daniel Deronda. Add another floggin' book to the long list. This is why I need a job at Barnes and Noble. Plus, it has a Starbucks built in. Oh! Coffee! I'm gonna go grab a mocha from the 'fridge real fast... hold up for a second... ahh, so smooth... so energetic...

So, today Mum took Ben and me to the drugstore today, where they were holding a Diabetes awareness thing. They gave us coupons and advice and stress-reliever things. *sip...sip...loooove coffee* It was neat, but kinda sad and depressing. Diabetes is spreading like wildfire, and it is deadly if not treated, and a lot of people don't know they have it. Okay, here are some symptomes, because I never thought it would happen to my brother, but it did:
1. Constant use of the bathroom, and, concordantly, incessant thirst and too much water or beverage consumption. Basically, if you're always drinking water and you pee too much (or wet the bed), get checked.
2. Sudden mood swings. You get tired. Cranky. Inexplicable drowsiness and irritability are signs of low blood sugar.
2 and a half. Also, if right after you've eaten, or just any time, if you become very, very hyper, or excited without reason, that's bad too.
3. Shaky. If you feel shivery or your limbs seem to shake slightly beyond your control when you're warm (almost like a very mild seizure), that means a low episode, you need sugar and a doctor.
My brother has these symptomes pretty much daily. I get them a lot too, but my blood sugars are always below-average, border-line hypoglycemia (opposite of diabetes). Just want to let everyone know these things, because it's not just an obestity issue, it's become very, very widespread. Then we went to the grocery store, and I got Goldfish. The new cripsy kind that Carson Kressley hawks in the new commercials. They're the new black... I mean, snack. I LOVE QUEER EYE! They're making a Queer Eye for the Straight Girl, 3 gay men redo a straight chick's life. That's so stupid. I could understand five lesbians teaching a straight woman how to, I dunno, re-wire a lamp (hey, that's just as offensive as a gay man teaching a straight man how to wear pink shirts and khaki pants together with his new highlights), but not gay men helping a straight woman out. That's already been done. Millions of times. BO-ring. *snooze, yawn* That's almost as stupid as Straight Plan for the Gay Man. I hated that show, only saw one episode and thought it was stupid.

I guess it's a big age group difference now, the tolerence of homosexuality. Like when Mum watches Will & Grace with me, and two guys kiss, I don't see it as a big deal because I see it everywhere, but she freaks out because she's not used to it. I mean, yeah, it's against my religion, but I guess after attending highschool for nearly three years, I've understood the fact that some of the nicest guys I've ever met were gay. They'll probably be some of the nicest guys I'll ever meet from here on out, too. But last night I saw a guy on I Want A Famous Face that I seriously would have thought was a woman if he hadn't talked. That was a little scary. I guess it was hard to swallow the "I'm a woman born in a man's body." Maybe that's where the age gap no longer matters, because I just think that God made you who you are, and he didn't intend men to be women and vice versa. But I kept thinking, "Wow, she's already pretty, why would she want surgery?" And, let me say this: he looked more like a drag queen after the surgery than before.

Alright, subject change. That one made me a little uneasy. *sip... sip... aww, man, empty* Well, speaking of lushes, this entry title came from Will & Grace's Karen Walker. Toodle-ooo. No? Okay, I'll just stick to Toodles.

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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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