:: Youth & Eternity ::
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.
[2004-07-02 @ 9:47 p.m.]

My head is splitting. Which is great, because the skies just finished. Why is it all of a sudden for the past few weeks we have bad weather every day? It's like an ill-omen. Well, I hope it's not, but it would provide an answer!

Well, gawrsh. I'm very, very, very tired. Today I went to the library. Oh, and isn't the library so exciting? We had a meeting with my English teacher and discussed our current summer books, The Awakening and Tess of the D'Urbervilles (by Kate Chopin and Thomas Hardy, respectively). And since then I've had this splitting headache that just won't disappear.

So, then my dad (yep, my dad from NY, haven't seen him in two months) took my brother and I to the video rental store. It's like a free-for-all when he comes, we get junk food, and we order out, we rent videos and go to theme parks and we do the fun stuff. It almost makes all that not so fun stuff that he used to mean to us go away. Almost. When he's gone, life becomes drab again, and we live off of re-run dinners and re-run cable tv shows. I think I like the latter best, though. I sometimes just wish that the past could go away, and every day could be happy and sad and no one would have to worry.

And now I sound like an over-reflective and overly hopeful five year old, don't I? Speaking of, I'm extremely angry because I wanted to read A Series of Unfortunate Events. Yes, I'm a highschool senior, and I wanted to read Leminy Snickett. I have a sudden fascination with children's stories that I just can't explain. You see, I was really thinking about it not too long ago, and those are sort of the stories that stick with you the most. I think it was Frank McCourt who said that cartoons were the mythology of the new generation in his book 'Tis, and it really is true. Mythology was just a group of morals set in entertaining stories, I think it was that moreso than a religion, and when looked at that way, that's all cartoons are, that's all children's books are. And then everyone here has a book, a book from his or her childhood that just won't disappear, that stays with him or her for the rest of his or her life (whew, being grammatically correct takes a lot of typing time). Wouldn't it be lovely to write that one book that sticks with a kid? Or the movie that sticks with a teen? Or the novel turned into a movie that sticks with an adult? You can say an entertainer's job isn't important, but I'm always going to disagree. But I digress! I really wanted to read those books because I really wanted to see the movie! But some little snot-nosed brat checked them all out.

Kids. I hate them.

So, I watched Big Fish, and also rented Secret Window, and my brother rented Final Fantasy XII. Which is very degrading to females, but, hey, whatever. Isn't everyone? Big Fish was a very good movie, I'll have to say. There were some parts that drug along, I have to admit it, but in the end it was very tight, and of course, the cinematography was genius. Nothing less from Tim Burton. He always adds the perfect mood to his movies. I wonder if he sees life that way? Everything is so exaggerated, even the colour. I noticed that whoever wrote the screenplay thinks just like me. One thing that stuck out was when the little girl, Jennifer, in Spectre, said something like, "You're 18, and I'm 8. So, when you're 28, I'll be 18. And when you're 38, I'll be 28. And when you're 48, I'll be 38, and that doesn't seem so far apart!" Have you ever noticed that? I wouldn't feel uncomfortable around a person ten years older than me if we were both 30's to 40's, it wouldn't feel like such a gap from 10's to 20's. I think it's like by the time you hit the middle of your life, you've experienced half of what you can, so you can relate to anyone who's experienced half they can. But when you get older, when he's 78 and you're still 68, it seems a lot farther apart, like a circle.

Again, the five year old thing, right?

I guess I've been thinking a lot in the past week, with school being over now and stuff. I've been thinking a lot about the Bible, and morals. I think that when I was younger, I thought God put the Commandments into the Bible so that we lived up to his standards, but now I realise that it's a circle. He put rules in the Bible because when we're good, we're happy, and He can only be with us when we follow his rules, so we're safe. See, "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultry" is a good one. If we don't have sex outside of marriage, suitors can never marry us for any reason but the love of a person, not what the person can give, so God is protecting us. Stealing or murdering gets thrown on our concious and gets us thrown into prison, so if we don't, then we're happy. The whole Bible is set up so that we're the happiest. And then I was thinking about how "the body is a temple". I saw for a moment that the body is tied in with all of the beauty of nature, but it's much more than nature could ever be because it's in the image of God.

In short, I'm glad I'm tall. Because that means I'm a big fish in a little pond, and destined for something bigger. Hooray for Tim Burton movies!

(ps. and speaking of movies, the title is from a Bill Murray movie! Yay!)

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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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