:: Youth & Eternity ::
I'm gonna get free, gonna get free, gonna get free, ride into the sun!
[2004-07-28 @ 5:13 p.m.]

Garsh, I promised myself I'd only answer my notes. I also promised myself I'd start eating healthy foods, that never happened.

But Mum bought me carrots today. And I love carrots.

Anyway, today I finally saw The Bourne Identity. Fantastique! It really had me pumped. I'm not going to lie, I hate car chases. I hated the car chases in everything from The Matrix Reloaded to the car chases in... well, name a movie. I hated the car chase. But, surprisingly, I loved the car chase in the Bourne Identity. It was fun. I actually paid attention to what was happening! Normally when a battle scene, or a coreographed fight scene, or a car chase occurs, I blank out. But, no, I didn't blank out once. The cinematography was expert, and kept a rapid unblinking attention. And Matt Damon is a superb actor, he's a smart actor, you know what I mean? He doesn't just do it for fame, he seems like he loves what he does, and he comprehends things about acting that others don't, and it really shows. I don't know that the movie would have been as good with someone else in it, so that's saying something. And I loved the ending, but I can't share it. It was an actual happy ending, predictable, but happy. Well, it's happy until Bourne Supremecy. Who wants to take me to see that one, now?

So, I feel very well-rounded in my movie-going experiences, now. That's not to say I don't want to see any more movies. If I don't get a movie a week, I start losing sleep, and my appetite disappears, and I fall into a mental seclusion (hardy har har... just kidding!).

But I like where all this is going. I'm tired of liking just one thing, one book, one movie. I hate what everything has involved into for me, I hate being a "fan" of things. Instead of reproducing things, which is what "fans" tend to do, whether from talking about it too much, or from drawing pictures or writing stories, I want to do original things now. Think of my own ideas and shape my own thought processes. That's why I wanted a new layout, because, yay, Elijah Wood is a good actor, but so what? There are a bunch of good actors. I'd love to be a good actress. Maybe instead of devoting a layout to another person or character, maybe I should devote it to my own. And normally I wouldn't see a problem with being a "fan", but now I see it as just silly. Like, Harry Potter is entertaining, movies and books, and I'm a fan, but I'm not a "fan" fan, you know what I mean? I'm an LOTR fan, but geez, I'm going to go right ahead and say it, the books and the movies can be boring at times. The battle scenes, though necessary, are kind of long. The books are long, and it feels like I'm reading a history book. And I can understand why they're long, there's a lot going on, but the movies don't focus on what I want to see, instead of focusing on the human stories that are propelled by the battles, it's all about the battles. And Roger Ebert said, "A good movie is new every time you see it." Well, I'm going to be absolutely honest, LOTR isn't always new for me. There are some parts that will always make me cry, but after even a few times of seeing it, it's just... so what?

Or like Pirates of the Carribean. There are, like, fifty million people that are just in love with that movie. They're all oblivious to the fact that the only reason that the movie was good was because Johnny Depp was a good pirate. He put something new into it. But there are people that will always think it's the best movie in the world because Johnny Depp is hot. Yay! He's hot! So what? So are a million guys. He's different because he's good at what he does, and most people won't ever know that.

Instead of seeing the things I used to see as complex, I'm seeing everything in a different light. I still love everything I once loved, but not for the same reasons, and I'm done being obsessive over it. I'm sad that I wasted so much time over it, sometimes. Instead of being a "fan", I'm using the skills I see in other people by shaping myself, and I'm never going to limit myself to just two or three things again.

And don't get me wrong, don't bombard me with hate notes, but for heaven's sake, I want a life. Instead of loving what others are, I want to love what I can become. You know what I mean? So, yay, Matt Damon is hot. Big deal. He's a good actor! And I want to be myself, and I'm afraid to say that myself isn't the self modeled by everyone else.

Hooray! I'm free!

Oh, the title is from a Vines song. Hooray for Aussie bands!

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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

Layout was made by Emerald Ice for use at Frozen Ice.
Image credit goes to Squaresoft.