:: Youth & Eternity ::
My shrink? Oh, honey, I only go to him for refills!
[2004-12-29 @ 4:16 p.m.]

I wish I were a millionaire, so I could help those people in Asia. There's supposed to be over 100,000 dead, and that toll should more than double over the next couple of weeks as epidemics terrorize the survivors, fed by the hordes of corpses that litter the streets. People just walk by the bodies, decomposing under mere tarps, with scarves over their noses because of the smell. They don't know what to do.

Then people criticise our government for being "stingy". America is hardly stingy, I should think. It's ridiculous how America is never good enough for outsiders (and insiders, as you will find later). George Bush has been undermined for waiting too long to respond to the problem, nevermind the fact that he was in meetings to take care of America's payment plans. I'd rather have the President doing his job that taking the time to explain what he plans on doing. Colin Powell is a perfect correspondant, and I think government money and food donations speak louder than words, personally.

And I've read a lot of arguments that say, "So, where's God in all this? How can this many people die while there's a God?" A lot of the arguments against the Bible refuse to see the duality of the world. There are two powers at struggle in the Bible: Good and Evil. All anyone pays attention to is the Good and how insufficient it must be. But the reason that Good isn't always present is because some people accept Evil over Good. By sinning, say leaving your wife and two children for a Brazilian employee and then rubbing your family's faces in it, you'd be accepting Evil into your life, and Good cannot take hold. So, then why do those innocent people in Sri Lanka get killed, if they aren't being killed by Satan because of their innocence? Satan attacks the innocent most of all, and in the end days, God has to stand back. These (when there are 80 thousand people confirmed dead in one clean wipe of water, when AIDs is so uncontrollable that doctors in 3rd World Countries wash their wounds in bleach, when planes are driven into buildings) are the end days, and these are the days when Evil (Satan) can walk the earth, and God can't stop it anymore.

But the criticisers of the Christian faith only look at God's shortcomings, not realising that it's not He who's ending up short, that would be the population of the Earth who is. The reason God has to allow all of this to happen is because this is the time that the Believers are seperated from the Non-Believers, and faith is tested. The ones who fail are the ones who not just question (to question is healthy, and strength-building in most cases), but to openly cut down God and all His workings. I'm not saying you have to believe in God (I'd prefer it if you did!), but don't criticise what I base the entirety of my life on while remaining so uninformed.

Speaking of uninformed! I went with my mum and dad to the post-office (to drop off two more of my college applications and Cambridge card thingee), and then to the Department of Motor Vehicles (or, DMV). Outside the front of the building was this short, angry looking man and a desk full of papers and booklets. On this desk were posted signs that said, "STOP GEORGE BUSH FROM STEALING YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY!!!" and "NO MORE ELECTORAL COLLEGE (HE STOLE YOUR VOTES!)!!!" Moronic, I know. As the three of us walked by, he yelled to my mother, "Ma'am, could I have a minute of your time?" My mum answered, "Oh, no sir, I'm a Bush supporter." She was kind about it, though I could tell she was less-than-happy about the situation. He then yelled at her as she walked in the door that Bush was a theif and a liar, and she just kept saying, "No, sir, he isn't." While we waited in line for an hour, I just mumbled about it.

Firstly, George Bush has not, nor will he ever, steal social security. He is privatizing it. What does that mean? It means that Social Security checks will be funded into a private account for each recipient, instead of mailing it out. This takes less money from the Government, so it seems like less money to the people, which isn't so. That extra money will accumulate over the next ten years to such an amount that tax money will no longer be used to social security in such heavy amounts. Now, is that stealing? No, it really isn't. I see that it's beneficial. People on this plan aren't receiving the immediate money they would have on John Kerry's plan, which called for an increase of payment. However, over time this would amount to an empty government pot of Social Security money, and taxes may have to be raised. So, George Bush's plan works much better in the long-run, though it's not adding any money right now. That doesn't mean people are getting less, though, and it's providing people with more control over their money than before.

As for the Electoral College, George Bush had the most popular votes in America's history. John Kerry was one of the most unpopular candidates ever, as well, as most people weren't voting for him, they were voting against Bush. No votes were stolen, no social security was stolen, and George Bush still remains President. The end.

Well, when we walked back out of the DMV, he yelled at us some more, and I almost put him in his place, but that would have been horribly disrespectful. I'm just a teenager, after all, no matter how outspoken.

Then we went grocery shopping, and to Target for a few items. Boring. Though, one man at Target took a picture of my shoes with his cellphone to show to his girlfriend, and then asked me where I bought them because she liked them so much. I felt so fashionable, which is not how I usually feel. It was kind of... cool!

I can't tell you, describe to you, just how much I want my dad to leave. He acts like he's part of the family, but laughs at my mum when she gets upset over that. He thinks it's funny, what he's done to us. I think it's funny just how much Hell will burn for him. At night he stays up really late downstairs with the television on full-blast so we can't sleep, and some nights he seems angry about having to be around here instead of his swanky apartment with his latest girlfriend. Sometimes he's so angry that we all get scared that he'll try to kill my mum in her sleep, and I stay up all night crying because I hate him so much. I know I'm not supposed to hate, and I pray that I don't have to anymore, but it's really hard not to. And I get so frightened that I have nightmares that he's holding a gun to my brother's head, and I swing a baseball bat and can hear his skull just crack under its force, and then I wake up in a cold sweat feeling so ill that I might just turn around and throw-up. And then I lay there all night and pray that he goes back to New York, or New Jersey, or wherever he lives this week, and leaves us alone.

He uses the bathroom and doesn't wash his hands, instead just wiping them on the dishtowels. He uses our toothbrushes and they smell the next day, and make us sick (that's how we all got strepthroat last time he was here). He eats tangerines and leaves the peels on the floor for me to pick up. He puts his dirty underwear in the middle of my mum's bathroom, and nearly breaks her treadmill and the floor by turning it on too high. He's a slob, and he thinks we're the ones who are unclassy. He called my mum "sick" for getting angry, when he's the one bringing filth into our lives. Now can you see why I nearly hate him?

The Virginia Court Judges are going to have some grand time talking to me in the divorce hearings.

Not only that, but this month my mum put all of the Christmas presents she got my brother and me on a credit card, but, somehow, the 6,000 unused dollars in our bankaccount disappeared, and an extra $300 from another credit card. He said that $300 was used to buy my mum jewelery from an Irish website she likes for Christmas, amazingly, she didn't receive any jewelery. As a matter of fact, I've determined that all of the Christmas presents my dad bought us couldn't have amounted to more than $200. So, where'd that money and jewelery go? So, no matter how many wonderful and thoughtful gifts I received from my wonderful and thoughtful mum, the fact remains that all I received from my dad was a $9 teeshirt that I actually found a little insulting. And that really, really hurt my feelings. And it really, really hurts my feelings even more that my brother and mother have to go through it, too.

As soon as he leaves, I have a feeling that my mum will give me that cd player he bought her. I might just throw it out a window, actually, if the fact didn't stand that I need it so badly.

I'm sorry for the lack of inspiring words, lately. My writing capabilities are withering, instead I'm becoming too much driven by the pathos of statement than any ethos to back it. Which can equal to dreary silliness in all its paradoxical excess.

My title is from Will & Grace. I thought it fitted the mood, the crazy mood. I've gone so crazy that I think completely organic oolong tea is some of the best stuff to sip since marrow-eating Diet Pepsi was invented.

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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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