:: Youth & Eternity ::
I'm huge, I'm hurting people, and I'm misunderstood! Just like the IRS!
[2005-02-16 @ 4:18 p.m.]

Alright, life is hectic. Words, words, words... aka, school. And everywhere I turn I see my failures, that, thanks to God, lead me to see what I'm really good at.

For instance. In AP English, we're reading Hamlet. I don't think I need to tell you that it's by William Shakespeare, or that I really adore William Shakespeare's work. I'm always impressed by the complexity between characters, the way the stories seem to work out so nicely, and just how perfect the words are. I mean, take the character of Hamlet, for instance. His wordplay is impeccable, the tongue that Shakespeare gave him astounds me. There are plays, books, stories, poems that I read that are contrived, but never have I been intimidated by nor looked condescendingly down on Shakespeare's work (and a lot of people do, the weirdos). I'm a fanatic. Anyway, I dared to be Ophelia, and since it's just in front of the class, I don't really pour forth my soul or anything. But, I didn't remember from the three times I've read it and the many versions I've seen on film (one from the Soviet Union in Russian) that Ophelia sings nonsense songs before she dies (I only remembered that she handed out flowers, silly me). Well, my class made me sing. I don't know if you know this or not, but it's not very often that musical pieces translate well into books (especially not Shakespeare ones, because all of his original scores are lost except for some from Romeo and Juliet, I believe), so I had to improvise some random tunes. And I can't sing. It was embarassing, but very fun!

After that failure, I was shown my musical gift in that I kept first chair cello! (Well, "gift" might be stretching it, but I'm not bad at cello like I am at singing.) See what I mean? After that I went to French and took a speaking test (my answer to "What prize would you like to win, if you could win one?" was "Tom Cruise's Jaguar from In Style..." but longer and in French). Meh. Usually I memorise something before I repeat it into the microphone, but this time I just made a few plans in my head beforehand and went with the flow.

But, oh, I do really want Tom Cruise's car.

And in Acting Techniques I finally settled on a one-act I wanted that didn't involve pistols and curse-words (though I very much love "The Bear" by Anton Chekov... I shall one day make it into a short film, I swear it). I'll pitch it for the sale tomorrow. I hope I don't get it, because I don't want to direct. I don't remember the first thing about lighting and stuff... the most I can remember is blocking, costuming, makeup... all of the acting stuff. Which is why I took an acting class! Der! But the teacher liked my quick design for the Showcase teeshirts, and wanted me to redraw it to match another purpose. Again, another talent I should be thankful for! I don't think I could make it anywhere in the art world because it requires a lot of training and more talent than I have, but it's reassuring to remember that it's something I can happily use my spare time on, but not in waste.

It's strengthening, spiritually speaking, to see that one door can shut and God opens another. Because I couldn't hear well when I was younger, I can't sing now, but to make up for what Satan took from me, God gave me the cello. I wish that everyone understood that, the power of faith. The pushing factor in life that gives people inspiration other than clinging to existentialism, or faith in someone malevolent. I can't tell them, though, I can only show them, because I'll attract no followers by insult, but by display of what God can do. I hope that at least one person will see that! I can have no earthly father, but a heavenly one who will always love me, and a better mother and brother than anyone else has. And Satan can work miracles, but only God prevails, and I will prevail because of that, too. That's pretty cool.

I still really want a copy of a T.S. Eliot anthology. I should make a trip to the library, but I hate the school library (it hates me too), and can never get to the public one. I'm going to a book-sale Saturday at the public library, maybe my mum will let me check something out then, too. (Or maybe there'll be a copy for sale, y'never know! And then I can skim through it as casually as I please. Humph.)

And I'm excited about a project I'll have in AP English at the end of the year! Yippee! We have to make a film of a bunch of the characters we've read about this year, and I want Tess Durbeyfield and Ophelia to open up to each other about the dangers of sex before marriage. And there has to be Heathcliff. And Catherine Earnshawn has to be there, too. And Kurtz can be there, but not there, because people can keep asking about him the whole way through. And I have to include, dear heavens me, Oedipus and his mom/wife, IokastÍ... the Invisible Man (because he doesn't have a name... which is weird, because we won't see much of Kurtz, either, and one's a racist and the other a minority, and, whew! They can get into an unseen fist-fight!)... Edna Pontellier can poo-poo the plights of Ophelia and Tess, and Healthcliff and Alec can have a nice warm chat over a cuppa... Willy Loman can give some stockings to Nora Helmer... how would I get all of these to work together?!? ... an awards show, maybe, like the Oscars! Tess can have roses shoved down the front of her dress while Angel and Alec fight from either side of her... Ophelia can throw violets onto the carpet in front of Hamlet (and one of those announcers can say while everyone's seated at their tables, "Oh, don't any waiters give Ophelia water!" or something)... Kurtz and the Invisible Man can walk by in front of the camera, but no one see them (it'll get rid of the need for actors)... we can listen into conversations at tables, and then find out overviews of the books like how the "Best Film" category is shown... a summary and capture of a bit of each story (we'd have to film scenes from the major books, then)... the announcer can be Hamlet and Laertes can rush the stage and kill him before "Best Work" is announced. I really wanted Ophelia to sing karaoke "Hey Ya" someplace, too...

**The title is from The Fairly Oddparents.

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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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