:: Youth & Eternity ::
Of course you can trust me, I'm an actor!
[2004-11-30 @ 4:15 p.m.]

Ahh, another day, another reason to exist. I love it when winter is just breaking, and the air just begins to turn sharp, and the leaves turn from brilliant oranges, pinks, and yellows to fiery coppers and golds from the sunlight behind them. It's almost as though every leaf is chanting Tennyson's words:

Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

It also makes me wish to allude to Annie Dillard's famous "tree with the lights in it." But I doubt that many will understand me... it's a transcendentalist kind of thing!

I've still got to make a "profile" of my family income, tax-returns, and finances as a whole for collegeboard.com. Which is thoroughly disconcerting, considering that it's not exactly secure access (it can't be-- otherwise colleges couldn't see it!), and I'm always afraid someone will find my social security number and tax information... credit card numbers, too! Golly gee whiz, someone could steal my identity! That someone would be stupid, of course, considering that I haven't any money. I'm just a teenager. No job. No car. No taxes. Nothin'. Unless they want to see my SAT scores, but I could just tell them that much! Really high in verbal (almost a perfect score...), average in math (a little over 500).

Which is why I'm fretting over college! Who's going to accept me? 1270 in all. That's a joke! I've got my schools all lined up (like ducks in a row... what?): 1. Columbia (longshot, unless they're as cheap and whiny as my father portrays them, or if they're anything like my father, in which case, it'll be a breeze... but, considering his judgement, I doubt it!), 2. University of Virginia (it's even MORE competitive than Columbia, and I have little to no chance, but it's so pretty, and they sent me bookmarks, so I have to!), 3. University of South Carolina (it looks like one big plantation, how neat! I hear it's easy to get into, too), 4. New York University (my second choice after Columbia, it's a magnificent school!), 5. Christopher Newport University (it's my safety-net... I'm applying regular decision, in March, because by then I'll know whether or not I have to).

The end! That's my list! Nothing spectacular. Not Harvard or Yale, anyway. Columbia's right after them, though, so, I suppose that's spectacular. And UVa is public, but if it were private, it would be up there, too. I decided William and Mary was a no-go, because I just don't like it very much. Could you imagine? Someone saying, "I feel that William and Mary is below me." They wrote "OK!" on one of their newsletters. It's "OKAY!" if anything. Ivy League? Well, it didn't impress me. I know, it's fine to write "ok" in an email, or online diary, but this is a NEWSLETTER for heaven's sake! A WILLIAM AND MARY NEWSLETTER! At least use proper grammar! And that, folks, is my story of why I didn't apply to William and Mary. Plus, the admissions counselor never looked me in the eye, only everybody else in the room. At least the Columbia admissions counselor looked at me while she made it obvious that she hated me!

There's something about admissions counselors and me. They just don't like me. They must be covert cohorts, all of them, interested only in intertwining their arms of espionage to capture me, and keep me away from a decent education. I could write a poem about admissions counselors... I'll get back to you on that...

*sigh* My huge rant last entry has left me kind of dry. Kind of blah. But I have been noticing that in times of despair I preciptate towards the arts. Religion's always a stock for me, but usually I feel the creative urge the strongest when I'm blue. Lately it's been reading. Reading, reading, reading. But only really Victorian novels. I can't put Daniel Deronda down anymore. It's just too good. All characters are forms of each other and most are foils of each other, inasmuch as the entirety of the book is considered. Otherwise, all one can find is German, Jewish, and English, with no distinction in between! It's so juicy, digging into the characters and picking them apart. But I still can't grasp the Germanic influences! I just can't! But, don't tell me if you know, you'll ruin it for me. Leave me to my own devices, and if still I'm left without a clue, then I will call for your aid! Anyway, it's so much fun watching people's reactions to the size of the book as I pull it out to read.

And, DEAR HEAVEN'S, SAT II is Saturday, my writing test. I have to write an essay, and then answer some questions. In all? An hour's worth of work. Hard? Probably not. Writing essays in twenty minutes or less is one of my specialties. Of course, I may just be getting a little too proud of myself. I'm good at writing essays that pick apart another's work, so, maybe not so much a freewritten response.

We got new music in Orchestra. My "smiley-face" cello had a new A-string, so it kept falling flat and made it sound like it was made of coiled and muffled aluminum-foil. That's what new strings do. Anyway, the piece we got sounds like an old Hebrew song (which made me think of my book even more, gosh darnit!), but it's really a recent arrangement that's seriously easier than it probably sounds. I wish it were a bit harder, and still borrowed from that Hebrew sound. Aren't Hebrew songs like Hava Negila gorgeous? They're so beautiful and melodious, yet almost cacophonous in their stark senses of sorrow, like they're in want of their messiah. Perhaps that's why Christian songs of praise are so jarringly happy, we have Someone to exalt. Or maybe it captures my attention because it must have been what Jesus heard when He enjoyed music. I don't know, maybe it's just pretty. Chair-lifting, glass-smashing, manorah-lightingly pretty.

Now, I have a question, if technically Christians are Jewish, why don't we still celebrate the old holidays? We still follow the Torah as our old testament, and most don't see ours as a seperate faith, but a continuation of the first. So, why don't we participate in everything save what involves the lack of a Messiah? Is there some scripture I seem to keep missing that explains it better? Or are we all just divided by time and new tradition? When did their Saturday become our Sunday? When did we lose the yamaka? Or did that come after Jesus? And what made Islam become so rigid? See, I'm so confused.

I would also like to know why I play stripes better than solids in pool. Anybody know? And can someone explain to me why I always thought that "Marco Polo" was "Marco Polio" and the name was always aquainted with a vision of water-polo as men on horse-back in a pool of water because they had the polio virus and couldn't swim? And that's not me making light of something terrible, I just remembered that I used to think that! What a strange kid I was!

And it's so nice to see that nothing ever changes!

Vote Count Olaf for Presidency of Actors everywhere. Because I love A Series of Unfortunate Events, I'm afraid that if you don't vote for him, he will smite you, and I used an approximate quote from him for my title. Although, since Jim Carrey's Canadian, I don't think Olaf can technically run for President of anything. Firstly, they have Prime Ministers, secondly, only natural born United States Citizens can run for Presidency.

Which means, all you moronic Liberals, that Schwartenegger can't run. Stop complaining already. I already have to listen to you enough over the election. Suck it up! Kerry was the most unpopular candidate ever, considering the fact that his supporters didn't so much like him as they hated George Bush. My guy won, yours lost, the end!


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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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