2006-05-10 - SILENCE, TRAITOR!
2006-05-02 - Irish History
2006-05-01 - Goodbye Bio!
2006-04-26 - DANCE, WATER! DANCE!
2006-04-24 - Gaaaaaah.
2006-04-18 - Artsy!
2006-04-17 - Finny fun!
2006-04-12 - It takes an idiot to do cool things. That's why it's cool.
2006-04-11 - You go, Sora go-go!
2006-04-05 - It's times like this when I think to myself, "Why am I watching two bugs fight?"
2006-03-09 - :O
2006-02-14 - Wow.
2006-01-17 - Guess who's baaaack?
2005-12-31 - Hogmanay!
2005-12-20 - And if I don't see yah, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!
2005-12-12 - I'M ALIVE!
2005-11-26 - Doodle!
2005-11-23 - Where we're going, you won't need any pants!
2005-11-22 - *dies*
2005-11-04 - Have some pictures!
2005-10-28 - Sweet Noodle Pop?
2005-10-22 - I is here!
2005-10-11 - SQUEE for Kaga!
2005-10-06 - Won't stop until we dominate. Won't you feel great when we exterminate all organic life?
2005-10-05 - Let's go get some barbeque and get busy!
2005-09-09 - Will work for a new layout.
2005-09-09 - -
2005-09-01 - Second Week
2005-08-21 - College.
2005-08-16 - Give thanks for the broth of the sea!
2005-08-14 - And he's a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefcake!
2005-08-09 - Oh, the humanity! Oh, the Japanity!
2005-08-08 - I can't hear you! I said, can we get a little James Brown?!?
2005-08-06 - Mirror mirror on the wall, I ain't too short, I ain't too tall. Dang if I don't have it all!
2005-08-03 - You look just like the back of your head!
2005-07-31 - I could eat your hair.
2005-07-30 - Friendship's more lasting than love, and more legal than stalking.
2005-07-29 - Oi!
2005-07-28 - Where did all the cookies go? Oh, there they went!
2005-07-27 - After all, what is a fine lie? Simply that which is its own evidence.
2005-07-24 - Talk about relief... don't drink the punch!
2005-07-22 - Ahh! my beautiful colon!
2005-07-18 - Was it murder, suicide, an accident, or just luck?
2005-07-13 - I can't think of a quote for this title! O! unhappy day!
2005-07-12 - And if you'd sit on a phonebook, it'd be nice to see you, too!
2005-07-08 - In my dream I suffered from cynicism and floccinaucinihilipilification.
2005-07-07 - Oh schmoop.
2005-07-05 - Now you see me...
2005-07-03 - Just say no...vacaine.
2005-06-30 - I have to fire you because you don't move your arms when you tap dance you look like a gorilla out there I gotta go.
2005-06-26 - I'm back! Hallelujah!
2005-06-19 - I am the walrus.
2005-06-14 - Michael Jackson's innocence is as plain as the nose on his face.
2005-06-12 - I've frequently not been on boats!
2005-06-10 - I'm sorry, are my pants wet?
2005-06-08 - Wasn't it the truth I told yah, lots of fun at Finnegan's wake!
2005-05-31 - Are you an assassin?
2005-05-25 - I can smell your soul rotting from here!
2005-05-23 - When your brain was washed, did you have it waxed, too?
2005-05-16 - Humina humina humina!
2005-05-15 - Do the chickens have large talons?
2005-05-14 - Prom
2005-05-10 - Eve
2005-05-06 - Chasted! Hahahaha!
2005-05-05 - Oh, so now the talking cheese is preaching to us!
2005-05-03 - Refried... beans?
2005-05-02 - O May I Join the Choir Invisible!
2005-04-30 - Good riddance, you little Filthy McNasty!
2005-04-28 - You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bo staff.
2005-04-20 - 'Ello, govna!
2005-04-18 - Welcome to the Redundant Department of Redundancy Department!
2005-04-15 - Stop calling me the "Prince of Darkness". That's how rumours get started!
2005-04-12 - I'm the pooch with the cold, wet snout; if you sniff my butt, then I'll ask you out.
2005-04-11 - So go home, read in the nude, and play with your pudding!
2005-04-10 - Aleph, beyt, gimel, dalet, hey, vav, zayin, chet....
2005-04-07 - Listen to the bell, Grossbart, it tolls for thee.
2005-04-05 - Farced epistol to the highbruws!
2005-03-31 - Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.
2005-03-30 - Cead Mile Failte!
2005-03-28 - These pretzels are making me thirsty!
2005-03-27 - Happy Easter!
2005-03-26 - I like to shop at the duty free shop! I like to shop at the duty free shop!
2005-03-11 - Genuflect, show some respect down on one knee...
2005-03-06 - Powerful Fresh Breath
2005-03-05 - Je suis fatiguée.
2005-03-04 - Well, well, well.
2005-02-28 - Oscar? I don't even know her! ...okay, that was bad.
2005-02-25 - How are we going to find her? She's got four fake passports and a map of the underworld!
2005-02-21 - My danish! ...We'll have to invade Denmark to get another one.
2005-02-18 - Illustration Friday
2005-02-16 - I'm huge, I'm hurting people, and I'm misunderstood! Just like the IRS!
2005-02-14 - Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon.
2005-02-12 - Sauf les aveugles, ça va de soi!
2005-02-11 - An Irish atheist is a man who went about wishing to God he could believe in God.
2005-02-06 - Oh, honey.
2005-02-06 - Ah! I've got nature, there's nature on my hand! Wipe! Wipe!
2005-01-31 - Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go...
2005-01-28 - I don't even wear flip-flops!
2005-01-26 - I haven't told you this, but I have a long list of phobias. And at the top of that list, one of the worst is the miracle of birth.
2005-01-25 - He may be young and pretty, but I'm old and irregular. Which makes me mean. Which makes me a good lawyer.
2005-01-23 - You know what cranberries are good for? Urinary tract infections.
2005-01-17 - Why should she have to wash the dishes while her sister sits out there chatting away with Our Lord?
2005-01-14 - Please, criticise me. Tear me apart. I can handle it!
2005-01-12 - Oh quand pour moi brillera le soleil?
2005-01-10 - Of Grecian Miniskirts.
2005-01-07 - You put the "wit" in "twit", sir.
2005-01-06 - Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.
2005-01-03 - Have a nice ride, Baz.
2005-01-02 - Lobby, lobby, lobby, lobby, lobby, lobby, lobby, lobby...
2005-01-01 - Honey, I sense this is gonna go on for quite awhile, so let me just boil all this hoo-ha down into two important points: one-- brown is over, and two-- you need to get a life.
2004-12-31 - Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
2004-12-30 - Kokomo is in Illinois?!?
2004-12-29 - My shrink? Oh, honey, I only go to him for refills!
2004-12-27 - My Christmas!
2004-12-24 - Happy Christmas Eve!
2004-12-22 - I'm sorry, I don't speak monkey. Ba-na-na?
2004-12-21 - Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 8% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.
2004-12-20 - The Hall of Frienditude!
2004-12-19 - Till now I never knew thee!
2004-12-18 - Les anges dans nos campagnes ont etonné l'hymne des cieux...
2004-12-16 - Chansons, dansons Noël gaiement!
2004-12-11 - My eight magical fingers...
2004-12-10 - Dreydl, dreydl, dreydl, I made you out of clay...
2004-11-09 - You raise me up to more than I can be...
2004-11-07 - Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ-grinder is still in the room. -Sir Winston Churchill.
2004-11-06 - I reject your reality, and substitute it with my own.
2004-12-01 - Pants are for squares.
2004-11-30 - Of course you can trust me, I'm an actor!
2004-11-28 - So, he asked me, "Is this a Chevy?" and I said, "No, it's a fjord!"
2004-11-26 - A short study of viral infections.
2004-11-25 - NBC. They bring you the news (so you don't have to get it yourself).
2004-11-21 - Dominus regnavit, decorem induit.
2004-11-20 - Hallelujah!
2004-11-18 - What are you doing home? Shouldn't you be at work? Or wearing pants?
2004-11-14 - You'd think that without the sleeves, it would be less of a sweater... but it's more!
2004-11-13 - Isn't we supposed to be having a FIESTA?!?
2004-11-12 - And a world without rules is madness! And a world of madness is muy malo!
2004-11-11 - And you don't need a license to drive a sandwich!
2004-11-10 - Après moi, le déluge!
2004-11-06 - Completely bewildered by the ballot, Mrs. Smith votes for the Green candidate, and changes her phone service to Sprint.
2004-11-03 - Dubya.
2004-10-30 - Election connection! VOTE BUSH '04!
2004-10-29 - Just like your face!
2004-10-28 - HELP! I need somebody. HELP! Not just anybody. HELP! You know I need someone! H-E-L-P!
2004-10-25 - AHH!
2004-10-23 - Beverly Lesley... if you were sitting on a stack on phone-books, it'd be nice to see you, too.
2004-10-19 - The pencil sharpener? Oh, good, I thought it was the COOKIES that were talking to me!
2004-10-18 - Oh, why the long face? Oh, yeah, genetics.
2004-10-17 - She's lost out there in a city full of criminals and murderers... we wouldn't want her to hurt one of them!
2004-10-15 - Cockles and Muscles
2004-10-11 - I'm a right-wing nut-job!
2004-10-09 - He's as cute as a button. Not as smart.
2004-10-07 - The only thing that's consistent about my opponent is that he's inconsistent.
2004-10-03 - No amount of therapy will ever make this moment okay.
2004-10-02 - So, that's a "no" on the chocolate laxative?
2004-09-26 - No matter how many uppers you take, you're still a downer.
2004-09-17 - JANET JACKSON?!? That's WAY better than dancing for y... I mean, that'll be okay.
2004-09-14 - The ghost of Elbow Road
2004-09-10 - Psh, kids these days are so weird. You know, when I was a kid, we couldn't WAIT to hang out with the local insensitive drunk.
2004-09-08 - We'll keep the red light on for you.
2004-09-06 - The sound of impending doom.
2004-09-04 - Oh, yeah, he's charming. Like finding a band-aid in your burrito is charming.
2004-09-02 - C'mere you son of a... I mean... my son.
2004-08-30 - These dukes are your hazard!
2004-08-29 - Something.
2004-08-28 - I do think marriage to be a most dreadful occupation...
2004-08-26 - Oh, honey, how'd you hurt your back? Running away from good taste?
2004-08-25 - Yeah, he's real charming, you know, like finding a Band-Aid in your burrito is charming.
2004-08-24 - Jack, don't you understand? When--when you sing to me... You make me feel special. It's like I'm no longer that sad, angry little girl, running around the schoolyard, stabbing kids with pencils.
2004-08-22 - Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
2004-08-21 - SHOW ME THE MONEY!
2004-08-18 - Escargot, escar-*swallows*-gone!
2004-08-17 - We'll be back with more "Crouching Tiger, Screaming Sigfried and Roy" in just a minute.
2004-08-13 - What are you, some kind of calcium pusher? Trying to get me hooked on calcium so you and your calcium-crazed friends can make me dance like a calcium monkey?
2004-08-13 - Some of us are born to dance, you were born to drink. If you could cut a rug like you can lift a mug, I'd have something to work with, wouldn't I?
2004-08-12 - Two thongs don't make a right.
2004-08-10 - Prepare for the horror...
2004-08-09 - Well, I don't need a calendar. When my pills run out, I just go back to Pharmacist.
2004-08-08 - Soon-Yi Allen's phone bill? Mama mia! And I mean that literally...
2004-08-07 - Bruce Willis in a thong! EWW!
2004-08-05 - You are outrageous, James Earl Jones! Filthy and outrageous. Would it be forward if I asked you to lift me above your head?
2004-08-03 - Your bathroom could use some freshening up... maybe an orchid in a small vase, or someone could help the man passed out in a puddle of Liquid Dial.
2004-08-01 - It's a travesty, a sham, a mockery! It's a traveshamockery!
2004-07-31 - Let the bad color not be seen. It attracts them.
2004-07-30 - Bush '04
2004-07-29 - The Spice Girls? Let's see... there was Sporty Spice, Sneezy Spice, Winter Spice, All Spice, and Sir Spice-A-Lot.
2004-07-28 - I'm gonna get free, gonna get free, gonna get free, ride into the sun!
2004-07-27 - I am very excited, in a bleak, desolate, existential-voidy kind of way.
2004-07-26 - Okay, now you're freakin' me out!! There are crumbs on the carpet, your robe doesn't match your socks, and, oh, my gosh, there's no product in your hair! I'm calling 9-1-1!
2004-07-23 - I'm gonna move into the country, and I'm gonna eat me a lot of peaches.
2004-07-22 - NO MORE MARTHA!
2004-07-21 - Melts in your mouth, not in your hand!
2004-07-20 - 'Cuz today I'm handing out a**-whoopins and lollypops. And I'm all outta lollypops.
2004-07-18 - What are you lookin' at, sideburns? Never seen somebody with money and soap?
2004-07-17 - I'm not wearing pantiesh!
2004-07-15 - Hey, well, do you wanna kill bugs and watch infomercials? I'm wearing pointed shoes!
2004-07-13 - I give up! I throw up my hands and jut out my hip!
2004-07-12 - You know... *sigh* I feel moody. I think I'm gonna go change my blood. Into a Bloody Mary.
2004-07-11 - Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Look at my nose! My whole face is thrown off now. It's completely asymmetrical. I'm like a Picasso. Or-or-or Shannen Doherty.
2004-07-10 - Now, I may be wrong, but I believe that diversity is a type of mustard.
2004-07-09 - Look, mom, no shame!
2004-07-09 - I'm in a glass case of EMOTION!
2004-07-08 - Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. NOBODY!
2004-07-06 - Hey, don't Bogart the poison.
2004-07-05 - Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
2004-07-02 - Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.
2004-07-01 - I need to learn how to play the banjo.
2004-07-01 - You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly!
2004-06-30 - Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the esscence of beauty.
2004-06-29 - Just because we have chiseled abs and perfect cheek bones, doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
2004-06-27 - Would you like some juice there's an ape in my house.
2004-06-26 - But it's time I take before I begin three sheets to the wind, three sheets to the wind...
2004-06-24 - And I will look at you the same way I always have. As a spoiled, shrill, gold-digging socialite who would sooner chew off her own foot than do an honest day's work.
2004-06-24 - Lady, don't be surprised if your martinis smell of Clorox tonight.
2004-06-23 - I'm going to say this because I love you. Your disproportionately large head gives you a marionette-like quality.
2004-06-22 - Did you know that the penalty for jumping off a building in New York is death?
2004-06-21 - Quick! Hide me in your humiliation!
2004-06-20 - All we are is dust in the wind, dude.
2004-06-19 - Fanlistings
2004-06-19 - Darling... You, like your waist size, are not in your early thirties anymore.
2004-06-18 - My cobbler's done!
2004-06-16 - Various sketches and art of mine!
2004-06-15 - They eat them, yes, but they don't place them next to vital organs in the abdominal cavity!
2004-06-14 - Schiggidy schiggidy schwat?
2004-06-13 - Those of you lucky enough to still have your lives, leave with them. However, leave your limbs behind. They belong to me now.
2004-06-10 - Sheesh. Can you believe him? Light beer. What's next? Non-addictive painkillers?
2004-06-07 - Hey, baby, you like fine cookin'? Cuz I got a Swanson's dinner in the freezer with your name on it.
2004-06-03 - Baby got Back.
2004-05-26 - 12 hour warning.
2004-05-25 - Ok. Rule number one-- Unless you're served in a frosted glass, never come within four feet of my lips.
2004-05-21 - He dumped me in a restaurant. It was harsh. So was the lighting. He gave me this watch to remember him by, he doesn't know it yet.
2004-05-19 - Mail's here, and he is hot! Oh, we also got some letters. Ha ha! Ooh, an advertisement for teeth bleaching.
2004-05-15 - Pray for mercy from PUSS! In boots! *sheen, sparkle sparkle*
2004-05-14 - Aliens? Us? Is this one of your Earth jokes?
2004-05-13 - Honey, I don't produce theatre! I AM theatre!
2004-05-07 - Do not shush me during my inappropriate outburst! Ladies and gentlemen, I find myself in a situation similar to the one Drew Barrymore is going through on the screen. Although, unlike her, I am not overacting.
2004-05-05 - I'm modern, and I'm going to a modern place!
2004-05-03 - Hold my drink, kid. And I know how much is in it, so no sippies.
2004-05-02 - America the beautiful.
2004-05-01 - I saw somethin' narsty in the woodshed...
2004-04-30 - Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!
2004-04-25 - Mmm. Keanu in rubber and chocolate chocolate chip. Now, that's a lot of sugar!
2004-04-21 - Telemarketers, scourge of American society. I hate them, I pity them. Can't live with them... end of sentence.
2004-04-18 - Don't tell me to take it easy! I'm looking at a room full of outlet clothing and Fantastic Sam's haircuts! I can't breathe, I tell you, I can't breathe!
2004-04-17 - Do you take a check or should I pay you in pettiness, Mr. Petty? Tom Petty? Petticoat petty? Peppermint petty?
2004-04-14 - Hey, apron. Who told you you could make eye contact? Bye. Bye now.
2004-04-11 - MORE SPAM!
2004-04-09 - Drive? Nah, never had to. Plus somebody's gotta be the designated drinker.
2004-04-06 - What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
2004-04-03 - I'm gonna r-u-n-n-o-f-t.
2004-03-30 - For those who think young.
2004-03-29 - Coming? Ok. Ok. I just--one thing I need to do first: everything else in my life.
2004-03-27 - I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!
2004-03-21 - How can I resist those sad dilated pupils?
2004-03-19 - If I had a nickel for every time a man's left me and came back a woman, I'd have a NICKEL!
2004-03-14 - He makes me wanna barf. I wanna kick him till he's dead, honey.
2004-03-12 - In Native American mythology, the refridgerator was the pathway to the really fat dead men.
2004-03-11 - Agent Korn, Agent Pembleton. My name is Agent Poopy Pants.
2004-03-07 - You shall not feast on me!
2004-03-06 - Ah, I'm stuffed. I couldn't drink another bite!
2004-03-04 - Now that I'm old and lookin' back, I thank you for my heart attack.
2004-03-02 - Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
2004-02-28 - I mean, I once had a spirited debate about the death penalty with a can of cashews. And somehow, they swayed me.
2004-02-27 - Oh, for heaven's sake, it's just gonna be the 4 of us! Grab a bottle, hunker down, and pray for daylight!
2004-02-23 - Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes!
2004-02-21 - Snap snap, wink wink, grin, say no more!
2004-02-21 - It turns out he only needed an assistant to find the stalker. If I stop stalking, he doesn't need an assistant. I had to re-stalk to keep my job and realize my dream of dancing with him in a cornfield. Come on, catch up, slow mo!
2004-02-20 - If God wanted us to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor.
2004-02-18 - The fashion forward have always been ostracized. I'm sure when Gandhi first put on the diaper, there were some sideways glances. Who got the last laugh? That's right, Gandhi.
2004-02-17 - Hey, big news! I've discovered a universe where your egg-headedness is celebrated and your feta cheese thighs are overlooked.
2004-02-16 - What a carpouche!
2004-02-15 - Forget it. Get somebody else from your staff... butcher or baker or painkiller-maker. Oh, I forgot. They were all smart enough to say no.
2004-02-14 - Now, I don't want you to be intimidated by these rich society people. Remember... They're just like you, only infinitely better.
2004-02-10 - I'm gonna just pick myself up, brush myself off, and throw myself in the dirt again!
2004-02-09 - My mother's crazy. That's why I had her committed. Well, she's not `crazy so much as she just bugged me. Heh. She's a witch.
2004-02-08 - She once gave me a breath mint, and I woke up four days later with my clothes on backwards and a sticker of Baltimore on my forehead.
2004-02-07 - I love you like the mother I had commited against her will!
2004-02-06 - There are two things I can't stand in this world: people who can't tolerate other people's culture, and the Dutch.
2004-02-04 - That's not flying pig! That's the son of flying pig!
2004-02-03 - Green card, in my right shoe! Something something, my right shoe!
2004-02-01 - You know what? If you need me, I'll be out on the street sleeping in a hat, tissue boxes for shoes, selling figurines of kittens made from scraps of metal and old soup.
2004-01-31 - Okay? Then what? I make a steady income. I pay my bills? I become a reliable, upstanding member of society? All of a sudden I'm not me anymore. I'm my worst nightmare. I'm...I'm you!
2004-01-30 - The only other person I've ever apologized to was my mother, and that was court ordered. So please accept my apology in the spirit in which it was intended or I'll kick you in the gittles.
2004-01-29 - Are you actually surprised that I took advantage of you? I mean, that's like being surprised when the counter help at a yogurt shop seems sad for no reason.
2004-01-27 - Hey, cut the sass, Mister SassyPants!
2004-01-26 - As long as we're being all warm and fuzzy here, you know how I always get on your case about the way you dress and the way you do your hair? Well, really... when are you gonna do something about it?
2004-01-25 - Clean sheets and a rock hard alibi. Nothing makes me happier.
2004-01-24 - When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
2004-01-23 - Shut up, you look like a fetus.
2004-01-22 - I'll tumble for nog, I'll tumble for nog, I'll tumble for Versace eggnog!
2004-01-19 - ...ergo, concordantly, vis a vis...do you know what? I have no idea what the heck I'm saying. I just thought it sounded cool.
2004-01-19 - Make tea, not love.
2004-01-17 - Well, don't let it go to your head. Your hair's already such a disaster that the Red Cross wouldn't give it coffee!
2004-01-16 - This entry is brought to you by the letters "F" and "U"!
2004-01-15 - Oh, my mood stabilizer party mix! Uppers, downers, and candy corn. And don't tell my doctor, he's trying to get me off sugar.
2004-01-14 - Speaking of things you scrape off your shoe, get out of here!
2004-01-13 - Oh, look at you. Future nurses. Oh, the comfort you'll bring. The people you'll help. The patients you'll smother to end their suffering. I envy you.
2004-01-12 - Haha... you're bloated.
2004-01-11 - And, honey, did you really think you could get into heaven wearing body glitter? Well, you can't. Nope.
2004-01-11 - Don't worry, you're in well-manicured hands.
2004-01-10 - Stand back, no pushing. Don't crowd the Pearly Gates. We can only let a few of you people in. All right, you, you, and you. You in the acid-washed jeans, you're gonna have to wait...a while.
2004-01-09 - Hon, let me paint you a little picture of life here at chez Amanda. You may want to sit down for this. Nobody matters but me. Good night!
2004-01-07 - By your inflection, I can tell that you think what you're saying is funny, but...no.
2004-01-06 - Haha, that was so funny, I forgot you're fat.
2004-01-04 - Your vacuum cleaner ate my pants. There was nothing I could do.
2004-01-02 - Don't drink, don't smoke... what do you do?
2004-01-02 - Here's your bagel. I put it in the toaster oven so the cheese and muscle relaxants could get all nice and melty.
2004-01-01 - That's funny, we have a word for me around here too! It's called "boss", so do what I say.
2003-12-30 - He who gets the last laugh... will be... the last one laughing!
2003-12-27 - But when the bowling shoe is on the other foot, look who's the good cop, and look who's the bad cop.
2003-12-26 - My cheesy, puffy friends are now my enemies.
2003-12-25 - You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
2003-12-24 - Take your fun and adventure outside!
2003-12-23 - I'm not black like Barry White, but I'm white like Brent Black is.
2003-12-22 - I'm at Death's door. Only the bouncers won't let me in 'cuz I don't look cool enough.
2003-12-21 - Karma Chameleon.
2003-12-16 - Three words: Ba-Ring-It!
2003-12-13 - Liza with a "Z"!
2003-12-10 - There is no word to describe its perfection. So I will make one up, right here: scrumptralescent.
2003-12-08 - Boohoo, do you know what Tarzan do? Tarzan play world's tiniest violin. Now get out of here before Tarzan go through wall.
2003-12-05 - L'escouade de kilt! FREEDOM!
2003-12-04 - Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...
2003-11-30 - No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade, the rum!
2003-11-29 - Abs-and-pecks-olutly!
2003-11-28 - Did you see these toilets? They're ginormous!
2003-11-27 - Where is fancy bred? In the heart, or in the head?
2003-11-24 - Don't go... I'm not finished.
2003-11-23 - Fish like cheese. Sometimes some fish like cheese.
2003-11-21 - I'm Red. Of Red, Homo, Homo, and Boy.
2003-11-20 - Oh NO! The talking cookies are back! AHH!!!
2003-11-19 - Bow, rondelé, rondelé, push the clouds, push the clouds, jazz hands!
2003-11-15 - Hard-Core Dior
2003-11-14 - Whose warm lemonade is this? It's not my-ine, it must be your-ine. Get it?
2003-11-11 - We're safe...but for how long?
2003-11-10 - Crab people, crab people...taste like crab and sound like people...crab people, crab people
2003-11-06 - Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of your death. Good-bye, Mr. Anderson.
2003-11-02 - We are no longer the Knights who say 'Ni!'. We are now the Knights Who Say 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zoo-owli-zhiv'.
2003-10-31 - Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.
2003-10-30 - In dreams...
2003-10-21 - What's cookin', average lookin'?
2003-10-19 - And if I have to sit throught that theme song again, I'm going to "blank my pants".
2003-10-18 - You tolerate me, you really tolerate me!
2003-10-17 - The reason there is whiskey is to keep the Irish from controlling the world.
2003-10-11 - Oh, yeah? Say that again, and I'll get a bar of soap, carve it into a drink, and throw it in your face.
2003-10-10 - If no one likes you, then how are you supposed to know if you like yourself?
2003-10-08 - ALRIGHT! CANADA! WOO-HOO! BEER!
2003-10-06 - I'm immediately drawn to large cities where I back up sewers, reverse street signs, and steal everyone's left shoe.
2003-10-03 - Honey, are you jumping up and down, or am I under-medicated?
2003-10-02 - If this day gets any better, by noon I'll be rolling in glass.
2003-09-27 - Remember what Bilbo used to say: "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to."
2003-09-26 - I stole their jetski. That's Russian for jetski!
2003-09-25 - Put on your pants! You're my lawyer, not my dentist!
2003-09-24 - Fat free cheese. It's the polyester of cheese, actually, I think it is polyester. Anyways, it has nothing to do with good taste.
2003-09-23 - Oh, honey, you scared me! I thought you were my clone, but none of them survived!
2003-09-22 - I'll start with the Puccis and Guccis and work my way to Fioruccis and Susan Luccis.
2003-09-19 - We pillage, we plunder, we rifle and loot. Drink up me 'earties yo ho! We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot. Drink up me 'earties yo ho! Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me. We extort, we pilfer, we filch and sack. Drink up –
2003-09-17 - You have elected the way of pain!
2003-09-15 - Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest... Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly… stupid.