:: Youth & Eternity ::
Shut up, you look like a fetus.
[2004-01-23 @ 4:16 p.m.]

Life is boring. It's short and boring. And, as a teenager, I have no way of changing that. I wish I could infuse energy into my daily life, I wish I could act on my every whim. If I could I'd be skydiving right about now, but that's beyond the point. But, at the age of 16, I'm bound hopelessly to a life of social seclusion and school routine. And it sucks. One of these days, when I move to New York for school, I'm just gonna sit at a sidewalk café, with a coffee cup in hand, shopping bags at my side, and I'm going to watch all of the interesting people pass by. It's something I've always wanted to do, and I've not yet been able to do it.

Last time I went to New York, there were old people outside a Blues Café, and, oh, how I longed to be one of them (only not old). And then I'd go skydiving. Something risky.

Well, anyway, yeah, that's my dream of the day. I'm a crazy, I know it. And I don't care in the least! Poke fun all you want, I don't care! It just seems so much fun to watch other people. Their expressions and the way they walk, it's amazing. I love it when I see a movie or a play where I can't tell the actors are acting, they become those people on the street that I see. So natural and level, their flaws make them flawless. It's exciting to me, and I can't tell you why. It just is! Take, for instance, Monster. I haven't seen it, and since (once again), I'm a pretty well-sheltered 16 year-old, I probably won't see it for awhile. But Charlize Theron, geez, have you seen her outside of that movie? She's so beautiful. But, in Monster, she looks exactly like the woman she's playing, down to every freckle. But, then, on top of all that, are her expressions, her movements. Every pause that she takes for a breath just ties perfectly into her character. And that is cool.

Who else have I got an example of?... let's see... Well, Cate Blanchett (another one of my heroes!) always has that effect. She's the perfect abused wife, the perfect Queen Elizabeth, the perfect elf queen! She just seems like a respect-demanding and talented individual, and that's really neat. Neat-o. Johnny Depp, too, has something about him that he can really pull off any kind of character he wants.

Yup, I'm a film junkie. I guess I just like to look at things. I love looking at nature, walking through forests and seeing trees, I love other people and the diversity of culture and just the very way people think, but I hate math. Guess it's just how the world turns!

Hmm, where has my sense of humour gone? Well, I need to lighten up. Carpe diem my diemed heart out. I told a friend that last night, and I thought it was pretty neat, so I decided to enlighten you, as well. Consider yourself lucky, because I went on to tell her how I would make a book about the art of "chillin'" entitled, The Zen of Eowyn Caused by Orli's Shiny Bling-bling. It's a loooong story full of inside jokes, I guess. One of them being: the best way to take your mind of things *poke* is to focus on shiny things, or Orlando Bloom. And, concordantly, shiny things on Orlando Bloom, and those shiny things may equate to bling. Yup, I told ya I was crazy. If you don't get it, don't worry. And I really hope you don't get it, because then at least I have the knowledge that you're okay, and not like me. You probably don't watch people and hug trees. Be happy that you're not "different".

I prefer the term "artistic". It torments me, it tortures me, but it all becomes expression. I suppose. So don't get all freaked out if you're ever in NY and you see some 6 foot tall pale chick somewhat resembling the Lady Galadriel (so I've been told) with reddish curly hair, and she's just staring at you. It's me (hopefully), and I'm just studying you for my artist medium of the creation of film and writing (unless you're a hot dude, then I'm checkin' you out). Maybe even painting and music, if it's what I feel like.

Speaking of painting, I'm a little disappointed that I couldn't take Art 2 next semester, I had to take Ceramics instead. I much prefer (and am just plain better at) painting. But, what's done is done. I can paint at home, I suppose, and just bring it in for any galleries. And speaking of music, I have a playing test on Tuesday on Mozart. I forgot what Symphony number it was (I think 23, or 21, or 12... it had a 2), but it's very much happy. I really like playing Mozart on my cello. It's like a breath of fresh air to me. So pure and simple sounding, yet just the right amount of a challenge to play. I also like Handel, but that's baroque, an entire period of its own!

And now I have it stuck in my head. I did have Boy George stuck in my head, "Tumble 4 Ya", but now it's Mozart. I was listening to Boy George on the bus. I make other people listen to it, and they think it's cool, so they go look him up online, and then they're initially creeped out, and then they think he's even cooler. I'm gonna start a revolution of Boy George fans. And it will be good. Not to quote Genesis... I'm also inspiring people to see The Good Son and read Angela's Ashes. Good movie, good book/ movie, respectively.

And speaking of The Good Son, I'm pretty garsh dern sure that tomorrow is Elijah Wood's birthday. Correct me if I'm wrong, I only believe what the internet tells me (it's pretty dark in that damp corner of mine). I'll probably bother everyone on my email list with pictures of him, and then I'll tape a picture of him on by brother's bed, so when he wakes up I can wait outside his door and listen to him scream in agony, "Make it go away! He's... so... gay..." First off: that rhymed. Second off: there's nothing wrong with gay men. I listen to Boy George all the time. And Elijah Wood isn't gay anyway (I think), he's metro (I think).

I'm only celebrating this holiday-ish thing to annoy people. And, oooh, believe you me (and believe me, do), it's fun. It is grand fun. You have no idea how I torture people, but I do it and it works. And then I sit there and watch their reactions. And I take notes.

Oh! I learned in History class that there was an influenza epidemic in 1918 that killed 600,000 Americans in the fall of said year. I never knew that. I've been taking American history for my entire life, I've had the same curriculum shoved down my throat for ages, and I never knew that. We watched an entire video on it, and I heard a most interesting story. It was the story of a newspaper worker who had an Army boyfriend, and she got the "flu" so badly that her temperature raised to the point where her hair turned white and fell out. She was sent to the hospital and they left her on her stretcher in the hallway to die. All that time, her love stayed by her side, tending to her, holding her hand. The entire time. When she finally got better, he died. I knew, I knew that was coming. It seemed something so terrible that it had to have been a fabrication from Hollywood, and it was true. So I wrote it all down, everything, her name, her boyfriend's name, where she lived and worked, all on a scrap piece of paper, thinking that it would make a lovely novel or short film someday. I could see it, the two of them wearing the "protective" masks and taking it off to kiss in public (I can hear the music, and see the camera angle, the way she'd look, I can see the people walking behind and the way they look), I can envision her falling ill, I can see the camera pulling out of her stretcher as she lays there with her boyfriend at her side, abandoned in the hallway, and I can see her face, the anguish in her eyes as she hears the terrible news for the first time...

Yup. If I've scared you in anyway, I'm quite sorry. I just thought it was a good story. I think that it's a story easily connected to, and that it would be so challenging to be that girl. Challenging, but nice and interesting, to say the least. But I can't do anything about it because I'm just a teenager. And I'll probably never get to express myself the way I want to...

But I sure am gonna try! And speakin' of trying, I have to make some iced coffee. It's gotta be 30 degress F outside, but I have the biggest craving for iced coffee. You have no idea. My teeth are white, and I don't want to stain them, so I can't get into a big habit of doing that, but I really, really, really want a big cup of iced coffee. I made some, once, and it was banana flavoured, and it was good.

One day, when I complete my goal of controlling the Western Hemisphere (and East Asia), there shall be a Starbucks on every corner (as if that weren't, luckily, already the case!)!

Well, I'm off. Today's title is from SNL. I thought it was funny. It's one of those Hardball with Chris Matthews spoofs.


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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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