:: Youth & Eternity ::
Oh, for heaven's sake, it's just gonna be the 4 of us! Grab a bottle, hunker down, and pray for daylight!
[2004-02-27 @ 10:54 a.m.]

Wow. I hate school. Like you don't know.

Last night I had so much homework that I worked on it from the moment I stepped in the house until 11 p.m. Then I woke up 30 minutes early this morning to finish it, and I wasn't halfway through when the bus arrived. So I broke down to tears in the middle of the living room, and Mum (good ol' Mummy) let me stay home. She understands how much stress I'm in. I don't, so I'm glad she does. I've been working on Physics all day so far, and I still feel close to hysterics, so I decided to take a break and tell you how terrible life is right now.

Normally this isn't my mentality. My birthday is on Tuesday, and I'm excited to be 17. But Tuesday is also an orchestra concert all night long. Fun. Then on top of that I have to "finish" a painting I did (I'll get to that in a minute) and Saturday is a French competition, Friday night (all Friday night) is an Orchestra competition, and I have to come in to school early on Monday and stay after a day for French Practise. So, not only do I not get to actually spend my birthday at home with part of my family (that's also coming up in a minute), but I have more and more work piled up on top of that.

So, the painting. If you want to see it, go back an entry. It's an abstract of a rose. My art teacher told me that she didn't think it was "finished", and basically told me to change the entire thing. I spent a weekend on it, and I think it's pretty nice, but apparently it's not good enough for the contest coming up. Well, on Monday of this week, she corrected herself. She told me that it's not that she hates my painting, she just thought that next to the clay vessel of a rose I made, it wouldn't look good (so basically, "It's not bad, but it's just not good," right?). Then she reiterated that she didn't think it was "finished" and that the petals should be filled out. THEY WERE SCRATCHED ON WITH A KNIFE! I CAN'T FILL THEM IN!!! Argh. Thanks for clearing up that problem.

And now for my birthday. My dad lives in New York. I live 10 hours away with my Mum and brother (no, my parents aren't divorced, either... don't ask). So, my dad has been promising to come to visit for awhile, now. He said he'd come for Valentine's Day, but then he decided that he'd rather dog-sit for his landlady. That's another story in itself, actually, but I won't go there. So, for awhile he couldn't decide when to come down. Mum suggested my birthday (what a novel idea, considering he wasn't here last year for it because of work), and he thought that was good. Yeah. So then he asked Mum a few days ago if she was going to take my brother and I to see The Passion this weekend, giving her the assumption that he wasn't coming after all. Then he said he was coming, so I'm not sure if he is or isn't. It's no skin off my back, really. But Mum's got classes nearly every night next week, and I need a lot of rides back and forth. Thankfully Mum loves me and is willing to take some time off class if need be. But if Dad comes he can pick me up and drop me off and tape my concert for her while she takes (and passes) her Dietetics test.

So now I feel really, really overloaded, and I can't tell why. I feel like there's a million pounds (or kilograms for non-Americans out there) on my shoulders, but normally that doesn't bother me so much. And normally I can pick up on my problems and solve them, but this isn't the case. So I just feel really bad. Books aren't helping, writing isn't helping, painting isn't helping, and music isn't helping. It's like for once in my life I feel like everything I like to do is utterly detestable. Plus I feel like I've got a cold, which, in itself, could be induced by stress.

But, ya know what? Typing on this diary and letting people know how I feel kinda makes me feel brighter. Not so much less stressed as just relieved, if that makes sense. It really doesn't, I know. I still can't believe I got away with a free day just because I had too much work. You know, if I can't handle this kinda stress now, how am I gonna handle it later? I have to take so many classes to get a duel major, and it's gonna take a long time and a lot of cramming. Hopefully it all pays off when I win my first Oscar. Then I can look back on all this and laugh... or cry... or just be indifferent because of money. Whatever the case...

Which reminds me, Mum and Gammie were bashing the Academy Awards today! Another way to bring me down. That's my SuperBowl, considering I don't like most sports. I'm gonna tape it and have an Oscar Party with my friend, Kelly! We'll cheer for the cool people (eg Johnny Depp) and boo the bad ones (eg Jude Law)(yes, I am a teenage girl and I hate Jude Law). And when Johnny Depp wins Best Actor (54% of people polled say he should win) and Charlize Theron wins Best Actress and Return of the King wins every award it's up for, then we'll jump up and cheer!

It seems odd, but cool, that Johnny Depp won the SAG (hee, sag...) Award. I would've seriously thought that it would have been Sean Penn or Mike Murray. Because that's the way it usually goes. I was so happy that I screamed on accident and scared everyone in the house (especially since everyone fled because they hate award shows). "YES! HE WON! HE WON!" And my Mum said, "Who won?" Well, she pretended not to be overly excited, but she really was. She's a Depp fan, too. Ahh, you know how it goes.

Hmm, lighthearted chat. It's fun, but not fun enough. I just need to realise that now I have three days to finish my work. Three. So stop. Calm. Down. And. Breathe. I feel so down...

Oh well.

Today's title is from Will & Grace. Take it or leave it, I guess.


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one thousand embraces

SILENCE, TRAITOR! - 2006-05-10
Irish History - 2006-05-02
Goodbye Bio! - 2006-05-01
DANCE, WATER! DANCE! - 2006-04-26
Gaaaaaah. - 2006-04-24

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