I don't feel well. And I forgot two lines at line-call today (I still got a 100, we were allowed to miss that many, but I really thought I knew them.) And I don't know what my orchestra test is on on Monday. And, of course, it isn't on the website. ...I think it's on "The Sorcerer's Apprentice". And I missed yesterday in school, and didn't get to act out the death scene in "Othello" in AP English. I was Emilia. I was really excited.
And my AP tests are in two weeks. We're overhauling our study time. French is going to be turned into boot-camp, according to the teacher. English is all review, nothing new (and I wanted to start Portrait of the Artist as soon as possible, but apparently Joyce isn't that important, huh?). Government's probably going to be same-old same-old, considering that the teacher doesn't usually notice stuff like that. Or, at least, she's planned the next two weeks for our next chapter. But I'm starting to get nervous. Not so much for English, I always get fives on the practice ones... so I shouldn't do too badly on the real one. French, I got a four on the practice, and was the only one to do so... but I've been forgetting really simple conjugations lately, and that's not too good. And I've never taken a practice AP Government exam, so I've no idea. Probably not too well, at this pace.
I need to study this weekend. Majorly study. And I really want to pick up on Hebrew again, because I keep loosing time for it.
All I know is that I'm worried, and just depressed. I don't really want to type about why, and I know that in the long-run what happens now doesn't matter down the road, but I feel terribly insecure about... just everything. I feel dumb, lack-lustre, and ugly. Granted, I am pms-ing, but there's a lot more to it than that. My hair is pretty, though! I can look at it that way! At least I have pretty hair. Sometimes. On the good days.
Don't mock me! I'm looking on the bright side! ... I need a George Eliot fix. I'm going to go and remind myself what indecisiveness can lead to despite strong leadership qualities. And what the face of narcissm can bring. And how to descern a positive change from a bad one. And discover the mental effects on victims of over-bearing and demanding imperialism can be. (A point to whomever can name that book!) And then I'm taking a nap. ...On second thought, I'll save Eliot for tonight, and go and read Finnegans Wake, instead. Not in one sitting, granted, but at least a little more of the preface. Or past the first paragraph. I always end up just skipping around.
I find the second chapter of the second book to be particularly amusing! ...I really want to understand everything about this book, but it'll take me years. Literal years. Anybody else want to read Finnegans Wake? I can form a study group! We'll do a page a week, and be done by the time we're dead, I promise!
Title is from Monk.